


To thaw a silent heart

by dustmouth, little_werewolf



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Alternate Universe, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Fluff, Hockey, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Minor Character Death, Original Character(s), Pie, Pre-Threesome, Raising Harry Potter, References to Depression, Unconventional Families
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-26 12:18:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 30,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15663081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dustmouth/pseuds/dustmouth, https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_werewolf/pseuds/little_werewolf
Summary: The art of falling in love isn't always about all the meaningful words. But sometimes just about hockey, silence and a little bit of belonging.





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> From the author:
> 
> Thank you to muse to listening to my constant whining about this fic, and the wonderful team chat for the source of motivation! To my amazing Beta, who this fic couldn't be posted without with because my editing skills have disappeared into nirvana. 
> 
> Mods! You are amazing for doing this, and being forever patient with me. And of course thanks to dustmouth, for giving me this beautiful fanart. 
> 
> From the artist:

 

 

Sirius loved hockey. Ever since he had grown up with James, the two boys had done nothing else in their free time but play on the ice. As soon as they had had the chance, they had applied for college and had managed to get on to the team. They had always been best friends and brothers, sharing their lives whenever and wherever they could.

Of course then Lily Evans had come into the picture. Life had suddenly become more serious as James had started to date her permanently. By the time they were finishing college and signing contracts for the NHL, James was getting married. Sirius had told himself not to get jealous, and he had gotten used to Evans. She had, apparently, grown used to him too, and he had been glad for that, for as James’ parents died suddenly the three of them were all the family they all had now. Until baby Harry had suddenly been announced, and apparently there hadn’t even been a second thought about it as James and Lily had decided that Sirius would be the only option for Harry’s godfather.

Now, after playing two seasons for the Pens, James had been made captain and Sirius was looking forward to getting back into training for the new season. They had gotten a few new teammates, and Sirius was focused on winning the cup this year.

“The ice is probably still occupied, but we could go for a skate if you want?” James asked as Sirius passed the coaches office that afternoon. Grinning, they had pulled out their skates and headed down to the ice.

When they came down to the rink two men were playing against each other on the ice. He could see the resemblance between the two, while one of them seemed to be a little stronger build than the other. Sirius watched with fascination as the leaner one easily snagged himself the puck and then dashed for the goal, landing a straight shot.

“Hey Lupin, mind if we share the ice?” James called out, and the larger of the men turned around to face them.

“Of course,” the guy called back and Sirius grinned, reaching out for his stick and jumping straight on to the ice. There was nothing better than getting on to the ice after a long summer, and Sirius turned around to grin at James. He then looked at back at the other two, having to admit that he did feel drawn to the way the leaner man played, only looking away as James nudged him a little rougher into the shoulder.

“That’s Romulus, he’s our new defense man,” James said, and Sirius interrupted him. “Isn’t he too small for that? Did you see the way he scores...”

“That’s his brother Remus,” James explained with a shake of his head.

“We got twins?” Sirius asked with a smirk.

“No, sorry to ruin your fantasies, Remus doesn’t play professionally,” James said and Sirius frowned. “Now let’s run some drills, you’re probably rusty,” James continued and then Sirius rolled his eyes, letting himself be distracted by the dare.

They ended up playing for awhile, more out of fun than anything else. Only stopping as a random puck had made its way over to their side by accident. Sirius took the chance, sprinting with the puck forward to the other side, his aim to shoot a goal and maybe get them all to have a play together. He hadn’t expected to be tackled into the side, losing control of his puck, and he watched as it was passed over by the smaller Lupin who shot it straight into James’ and his goal.

“Great shot, want to play a bit?” Sirius asked with a broad smile, still trying to understand of why ever not both of the brothers didn’t play for the team.  

So, he was surprised when Remus recoiled, shaking his head and then looking at his brother with an unreadable expression. The twins seemed to be talking to one another mentally, when Romulus just nodded and started to collect their pucks.

Sirius opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to understand what just happened. When the twins left the rink, Romulus nodding politely in James’ direction before disappearing behind the stands.

“What was that about?” Sirius murmured as James skated over to him, and James just shrugged, giving Sirius a gentle nudge.

“Not everyone is immediately fascinated by your hockey skills,” James teased and then skated towards the exit as well. “Come on, let’s head off too, you can join us for dinner tonight.” Sirius frowned but then eventually nodded, telling himself not to think too much about it.

His mind was quickly distracted by the upcoming season.

Training was as hard as every year. Coming back into proper shape and getting used to the new players, getting used to the group dynamics that once more had to be adapted. He was reminded of the day he had met Romulus and Remus, when the first day of training had arrived and Romulus was introduced to the team.

Apparently, the man had played for England before coming to the NHL, and Sirius had to hold himself back to ask him any further questions. That had been working out rather well, until the third day of training, when Remus had appeared at the rink after training, skates in his hands.

Grinning, Sirius skated over to him, letting himself lean on the railing of the rink.

“Hi, Remus, right? Come for a round to stretch your legs?” Sirius asked. He watched curiously for a reply, but the other man just frowned, staring back at him with that unreadable expression and looking slightly uncomfortable after a while.

“We’re done for the day anyway,” Sirius continued, looking behind himself and gesturing to  how everyone was slowly leaving the ice. He spotted Romulus and motioned towards his brother before he looked back at Remus.

“I should have introduced myself, I am Sirius,” he said, pulling his hand out of his glove and holding it out for Remus to shake. The other man just gave him a weak smile and shook his head slightly, and Sirius was just pulling his hand back as he could hear the sounds of skates behind him.

“Ready to get on the ice?” Romulus asked, and there was this gentle push into Sirius’s side. It wasn’t rough in any way, just clearly showing a protective side that Sirius remembered noticing the last time. Remus actually nodded, pulling on his skates and then getting on the ice, both of the twins once more ignoring Sirius completely.

He stared after them for a while, looking away as James bumped back into him.

“He just ignored me,” Sirius mumbled, pulling his other glove off as well and looking at James with a flabbergasted expression.

“Don’t take it to heart,” James said with an amused chuckle.

Sirius huffed, remembering when he had seen the Lupin brothers play the last time and how they had not wanted to play with him either back then. He decided this time not to ignore the matter but to watch them for a while before he would act upon it.

Remus Lupin came at least once a week after practice to the rink. He would always wait for most of the team to leave before he would appear. Romulus, who was a fairly  new member of the team and just the good defenseman that they needed, spoke to Remus but Sirius never saw the other Lupin talking back.

Whenever someone spotted them or came to close, Sirius could see how protective Romulus would become and how Remus would hide behind his twin. Sirius started to stay behind more often, attempting to catch a smile from the other man, but mostly just ending up being stared down by Romulus instead.

“It’s like he thinks I am out to kill his brother or something,” Sirius said in frustration as he stepped out of James’s car one night.

“You could always like try and leave him alone,” James noted with a small chuckle, and Sirius let out a soft snort, taking his bag out of the back of the car and following his friend towards the house.

“You know I can’t do that, you’ve seen the guy play, I just want to shoot some pucks with him,” Sirius replied, letting James open the door before following him inside.

“Lily we’re home,” James called out and then raised an eyebrow at Sirius. “And that is all you really want?” he asked with an amused expression.

Sirius let out a small huff, putting his bag down on the floor and then pushing his shoes off with his feet. “I don’t want to jump everything that moves,” Sirius muttered.

“Language!” Lily’s voice echoed through the hallway, and Sirius blushed, before a broad smile appearing on his face.

“Sorry Lily,” he said in apology, and then walked up to her, grinning broadly as he saw how pregnant she had gotten over the last few weeks.

“Sirius has been pining again,” James teased, walking past Sirius and pressing a kiss against Lily’s cheek before heading towards the kitchen.

“I have not,” Sirius muttered, pressing a kiss to her other cheek before offering her his arm and leading the way back to the kitchen. He helped her to sit down on one of the chairs, and then walked towards the fridge, grabbing two beers, handing one almost reluctantly over to James.

“I remember you pining after me for a long time Potter,” Lily reminded, and Sirius let out a small chuckle.

“I wasn’t pining, I was courting you,” James replied, taking a sip of his beer and then checking the food that Lily had already prepared and put in the oven. Sirius couldn’t help but let out a small snort, taking another sip of his beer, before setting his bottle down on the counter and then starting setting to set the table.

“That was stalking, not courting,” Sirius reminded teasingly, and he grinned as both James and Lily laughed.

He enjoyed evenings like these, when he knew that he could come over for dinner and just spend time with the happy couple before he would return to his own quieter place. He smiled, looking at the two for a moment and listened quietly as they continued to bicker with each other, glad to have his own subject dropped for the moment.

“Thank you for the dinner Lily, this was wonderful,” Sirius said with a warm smile after they had finished eating and cleaning up. They had settled in the living room, James on the couch with Lily and Sirius sitting in the nearby armchair, watching some random show on television.

“You’re welcome as always. Are you going to stay for the night?” Lily asked and Sirius shook his head.

“No, I’ll head home in bit,” he said, reaching up to run a hand through his hair. His thoughts kept going back to Remus, and he wondered how he could devise a plan to get the man to play with him just once.

“Just leave it Sirius,” James murmured.

“I am not doing anything,” Sirius replied with a huff, moving to get up.

“I can see you planning something from over here,” James replied and Sirius just let out a small snort.

“Do I want to know what this is about?” Lily asked softly. Sirius let out a small sigh and dropped back into the armchair.

“Sirius has a crush on our new teammate’s twin,” James said with a grin.

“I do not,” Sirius grumbled. “He just plays good hockey.”

“That he does, but he keeps ignoring him,” James explained and Lily let out a soft sound in sympathy. Sirius looked back up at her with a small smile, rubbing his hands over his thighs.

There was a moment of silence, before Sirius looked over at James with a thoughtful expression.

“You’ve got Romulus’s number right?” Sirius asked.

“Yes...?” James replied, frowning.

“Can I have it?” Sirius asked.

“Only if you promise not to hassle him in any kind of way,” James replied seriously, and Sirius rolled his eyes.

“I promise,” Sirius said with a grin, feeling like he was maybe starting to devise a plan.

Getting into contact with Romulus outside of the training sessions ended up being more difficult than expected. He had tried to message Romulus, to tell him that he really only wanted to play, show them around a little bit, like a friendly teammate does to new mates, but already his messages just seemed to be ignored.

Their first match came and went without further instances, and Sirius didn’t get to see Remus again until they returned from their first away from home games.

Sirius couldn’t help but mope a little as he saw Remus and Romulus on the ice after practice, his shoulders hanging. He looked up as he heard a heavy sigh behind him, and then watched with a small frown as James skated over to the twins.

“James… don’t…” Sirius said weakly, but quickly shut up as he was met with a small glare.

He watched from where he stood as James talked to Romulus, and he stood up a little straighter as the twin slowly turned his head to stare at him. He gave him a small reassuring smile and let out a small breath as James turned towards him as well.

“Come over here Sirius and stop staring,” James called out after Romulus seemed to say something. Not being able to hide the grin from his face, Sirius skated over to him, taking off his helmet and rubbing the back of his head a little.

“Hey,” he said dumbly, watching as James rolled his eyes.

“So, I convinced these two to play with your idiot self,” James said, giving Sirius a small nudge to his side. “Behave,” he added warningly and then skated away, and Sirius just gave him a small playful glare before looked back at the twins.

“As if I never behave,” Sirius mumbled to himself, fidgeting a little with his hockey stick before looking back up at the twins.

They looked pretty identical when Sirius looked at them closely, and if Sirius wouldn’t have been playing with Romulus for a while now, it would have taken him a while to set them apart. Still there was something eerie about how Romulus had this small smirk on his face, and Remus was smiling shyly, which made Sirius feel once more even more curious about the other man.

“Two against one, you’re going into the goal,” Romulus suddenly said, and Sirius couldn’t help but let out a small surprised huff.

“And whoever said that you are making the rules here?” Sirius asked playfully, shrinking back a little as Romulus pulled himself up to his full height, having forgotten how scary a defenseman could be on the ice. Eventually he found his own confidence again, not sure why he suddenly felt so intimidated, staring back at his teammate with a resolute expression.

“We could also solve this a different way Black,” Romulus murmured, and Sirius was all ready to get into a good hearted scruffle as the next unexpected thing happened. Remus checked his brother a little harder into the side, looking at him with a furious expression.

“What? I didn’t do anything…” Romulus muttered, after he had caught himself from stumbling a few steps. He rubbed his side and looked back at his brother with an indignant expression.

Remus just rolled his eyes and then shook his head, hitting his hockey stick to the ice and then motioning with his head towards Sirius. Without waiting for a reply, he then turned around, snatching himself one of the left over pucks on the ice, and racing towards the goal.

Sirius and Romulus stared at another, and with a silent agreement dashed after Remus, both of them secretly betting on who could get there first.

They somehow ended up playing around like this for a good hour. Every now and then Romulus and Sirius would check each other, both of them seemingly wanting to proof to Remus what good of a player they were. All them were attempting to get the puck into the goal, cheering and booing when someone else scored, except for Remus. Sirius realised the whole time now, how not even the smallest of sounds seemed to be coming from the man.

Once they were all worn out, it was Remus who seemed to be taking control of the situation again. He gave Sirius a small nudge into the shoulder and then started to head off the ice, making the man stand there with a confused expression. Frowning a little, he looked back at Romulus standing next to him, looking tired but seemingly surprised.

“He really enjoyed that,” Romulus said after a while, idly playing with the puck on the ice.

“He doesn’t talk much does he?” Sirius asked a moment later, rolling his shoulders. He was definitely looking forward to a good long shower now and going home to some warm food and a good bottle of beer.

“No… hasn’t for a while now,” Romulus replied and Sirius eyebrows raised up to look at the man with a quizzical expression. He was ready to ask more about it, but Romulus just shook his head and Sirius this time knew better to keep his mouth shut.

“Well, I would be up for doing this again,” Sirius said with a small tentative smile.

“Yeah… I think we can do that,” Romulus said after a moment of thought and Sirius let out a small chuckle. He nudged the man gently to the shoulder and then skated with him towards the exit of the rink.

“And there I thought you didn’t like me,” Sirius said a grin, earning himself a groan in reply.

“You looked like a kicked puppy, and James told me that he would have to listen to your yapping if I didn’t let you play. Can’t have my team captain unhappy now can I?” Romulus replied with an innocent expression and Sirius just rolled his eyes.

“You’re not too bad either Lupin,” Sirius retorted. The two men just grinned at each other and then let out a loud laugh.

When Sirius went home a while later, he couldn’t get his mind off Remus again. It made sense to him now of course that Remus wasn’t part of a team, even if he still thought it was quite a shame after being able to play together with the twins. Remus was quick and agile, ready to pick up the speed when needed to rush towards the goal. While his brother was definitely born to keep the puck from entering the dangerous zone. He had the muscle, and the lack of fear of checking a person. Sirius had seen how he played in their games and how it had saved them from getting a few goals into their net. He was sure that having two of them together on the team would be a dangerous tool to have.

Still, and Sirius told himself this was a definitely only a friendly worry, he wondered what could have happened to a person who refused to talk anymore. He was glad however that Remus seemed to have a brother who seemed to be so protective and caring of him. Sirius knew how it felt to be alone, and how good it was to have one person or family to rely on.

Sirius could still remember how it had been when he had been adopted by the Potters.

He had still been young before he had met James, and he had thought it was normal with the way he was being brought up. Of course his mother had always been strict, but he hadn’t thought any mother to be different.

Then he had started pre school and met James.

For some kind of reason James had taken immediate interest in him, and Sirius having been a shy kid back then had needed a while to open up to the boy. Soon enough they however spent every minute together and Sirius found himself babbling excitedly about him when he came home from school.

Sirius’ mother hadn't been too excited. When she had found out who exactly Sirius was hanging out with, she tried her best to tell her son that he shouldn't be hanging out with people like the Potters. He hadn't really known why back then, but when he thought about it during these days he guessed that they had just not met her standards. Sirius still thanked the headmaster that he hadn’t agreed to his mother’s wish for Sirius to change classes.

It was when the abuse had really started.

Sirius tried to apologize for every bruise, his childish hope that it was all just a big mistake. That was until the day he had been looked up without dinner and he remembered going into school the next day, his stomach growling, a fresh bruise on his wrist. James had picked up on it of course and hadn't left his side during the whole day.

When the school was over and Sirius was waiting for his mother to pick him up, he watched as James was running over to his own parents. The sight made Sirius feel something tug at him. He watched how they hugged and listened to James, and then they were suddenly looking over at him.

Sirius didn't want to do anything but disappear into the ground, his whole body shaking when James' mum had stood in front of him for the first time.

“You must be Sirius,” she had said softly and Sirius nodded.

“Yes ma'am,” he replied politely, looking nervously past her to see if his own mother was coming any moment.

“James told me a lot about you,” she continued and Sirius could feel how she was looking him up and down. “Oh honey…” she continued and suddenly there were arms around Sirius, gently picking him up.

Sirius tensed for a moment before he gradually relaxed into her arms.

He couldn't remember all the exact things that had happened next. He knew that he had to go home, and that that night had been the worst he had ever experienced. His mother hadn't let him go to school the next day, or the day after. And after a while the police had come to take him away.

Then there had been a lot of appointments with official looking people. They had asked him a lot of of questions about his life, many of which he hadn’t been able to understand at first. He only concentrated on the good things, on how he was allowed to go back to school and even stay at James’ every now and then.

And then one day James’ parents had come and told Sirius that he could go and live with them. It was the best day of his life and James and him had been brothers ever since.

Nonetheless whatever Remus had gone through it must have had to have shaken him that hard, and it made Sirius’ heart ache for him.

“Yeah, I can already hear you James, I am getting too invested again,” Sirius mumbled with a soft chuckle to himself and then moved to get up from the couch he was sitting on. He turned the lights off in his house and headed towards the bedroom, letting his mind shut down for the night as he settled down in bed.

Much to Sirius’ delight, Romulus kept his word and Remus came around more often to practice. He was slowly starting to get to know the brothers more and more, and he was enjoying the time he was spending with them. Even more so it helped to improve their gameplay, which James of course appreciated to see.

Still Sirius realised he would probably never spend time alone with Remus and he was slowly getting used to that fact. Until the day his phone beeped in the morning.

They were having a day off and Sirius hadn’t really planned on anything. James was busy preparing the nursery with Lily and he hadn’t really wanted to get into the way of that. The more pregnant Lily had become the more hormonal she had gotten, and he had learned the hard way of getting in the way of that.

So he had at first presumed that it would James texting him in frustration, when he saw an unknown number. His curious nature as it was, he opened it up, sitting up in bed as he read it through.

**[Hey Sirius, I got your number from Rom. I hope this is okay. But I was wondering if you wanted to do something. If not that’s fine too. But I know you have the day off today. So yeah. Just write me back. Remus.]**

Sirius stared at the text for another few minutes before he let out a small amused chuckle. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and moved to sit on the side of the bed, thinking about what he could do with the other man. He grinned as he remembered the science museum he had been at years ago, and how much fun it had been, wondering if it would be something to get Remus to be happy about.

**[Hey Remus. We could go to the Carnegie Science Center if you’re up for it? Send me your address and I’ll pick you up in an hour.]**

It took Sirius some calming breaths before he managed to send off the text, and then sat there anxiously as he waited for a reply. At first he thought it wasn’t going to come, and he was ready to get up and attempt to find something else to do with his day as his phone beeped again. He grinned as he saw Remus’ reply with his home address and the quiet promise that, no Romulus wasn’t going to come, his hovering self was going to stay at home.

Sirius couldn’t help but laugh as he headed for the shower, and got himself ready as quickly as possible. He made himself a coffee to go before he stepped out of the house and into his car, driving to the address that Remus had given him.

The house wasn’t very big, but it was enough for two people and it had this comfortable kind of feeling that Sirius definitely felt drawn too. He finished off his coffee in the car, and then got out, rubbing his hands down his thighs before he rang the doorbell. He grinned when Romulus opened the door, just wearing a shirt and sweatpants, and definitely still looking like he wasn’t properly awake yet.

“Morning, Remus ready?” Sirius asked with a grin, putting his hands in his pockets.

“Yep,” Romulus replied with a small nod, but instead of calling for his brother he took a small step towards Sirius. “You take care of him okay?”

Sirius just stared at him for a moment with a confused expression and then nodded slowly.

“Of course, don’t worry,” Sirius eventually replied with a serious tone of voice.

“Good,” Romulus replied slowly and then took a step back again, his expression softening once again. “Remus! Sirius is here,” he called out and then headed towards the kitchen, mumbling something under his breath that Sirius couldn’t exactly make out.

Remus came a moment later down the stairs, smiling a little shyly at Sirius. He grabbed a small satchel from the hallway shelf, and then waved at Romulus in the kitchen before going over to Sirius.

“Ready to go?” Sirius asked with a broad smile, waiting to catch Remus’ nod and leading the way over to the car.

He made sure to wait until Remus was seated and had his seatbelt on before he started the car to drive out of the driveway, rolling his eyes just a little as he could see Romulus watching them drive away out of the kitchen window.

“He’s a little protective isn’t he?” Sirius couldn’t help but ask, and Remus turned his head to look at him with a raised eyebrow, a grin tugging at the corner of his lips.

“I mean… I am one to talk. I have James too, he’s not my brother at birth, but he’s my brother. You should have seen me in one of our first few matches, whenever he got fouled I would be in the box after him a few minutes later. The teams quickly got wind of that of course and used that to their advantage… our Captain back then wasn’t too pleased,” Sirius explained with a soft chuckle and then suddenly looked a little embarrassed, his cheeks flushing a little.  “Oh god… I am rambling, you have to stop me if I talk too much.”

Remus just shook his head, and then motioned with his fingers for Sirius to look back at the road with a small stern expression. Sirius let out a small chuckle and turned his full attention back to the road.

He had thought it would be more difficult spending time with Remus alone, without Romulus around who always seemed to communicate with his brother on some kind of whole other level. However it didn’t feel weird at all, and Remus didn’t seem to be bothered by his rambling.

“If you want to turn the radio on you can do so,” Sirius said after a while, daring to spare a glance over at Remus again, only to be met with a serious nod towards the road again.

“I can multitask,” Sirius replied with a small roll of eyes, but obediently looked back towards the road.

He kept quiet during the rest of the ride, just cursing a little as he had trouble finding them a parking spot in front of the science center.

When he had finally found a parking spot, Sirius looked over at Remus and couldn't help but smile a little. Remus was looking out with a small soft smile, and he wondered for a moment of what was going on in the other man's mind as he could see a small grin tugging at the man's lips. Swallowing Sirius tried to push away any further thought he was having right now in his mind and then cleared his throat.

"I will tell you that my driving skills are rather acceptable," he declared and Remus turned his head to look at him, with a small roll of his eyes.

"Hey! I didn't crash us!" Sirius whined, and Remus just rolled his eyes again, undoing his seatbelt and then opening the door of his car.

"I might want to inform you that I passed my driving exam with flying colours, compared to James, he's a maniac to drive with," Sirius continued, but then realised that Remus probably wasn't really listening to him anymore as the man stepped outside and closed the door behind him.

Letting out a small huff, Sirius stepped out of the car as well and then locked it up before walking over to Remus' side.

"I used to come here all the time with James, it's awesome," he said with a grin and then motioned for Remus to follow him.

He hadn't parked too far away from the entrance, feeling his inner child coming out more and more the closer they were coming towards the center. He walked straight for the ticket office, brushing Remus off as he was reaching for his wallet and immediately paying for two tickets for them.

"I asked you to come here with me didn't I?" Sirius asked with a raised eyebrow, as if that explained all of it. Remus just glared at him in reply for a moment before his expression slowly softened into a small shy smile.

"You're welcome," Sirius replied and this time not being able to stop himself, and not really thinking about it, he reached out to take Remus' hand. James had always told him that he was a much too physical person at times, and that not everyone liked to be touched, but he was starting to like Remus and he had no idea how to show the other man this.

Remus let out a small startled breath at the sudden touch, and Sirius wondered if he had maybe gone a step too far. He was about to let go of the other man again, watching nervously as Remus looked down at his hand and then back at his face.

"I promise I don't have any cooties or something," Sirius attempted to teased, his voice coming out hoarser than expected.

Remus frowned at him, but then slowly relaxed and actually turned his hand so that he could hold on to Sirius's in return. It wasn't a tight hold, just very tentative, as if he was scared that he was going to be burned at any moment, but it was there.

Sirius let out a small breath he hadn't realised that he was holding and felt a grin growing on his face again.

“Alright then, let me give you my personal tour," he said and then tugged Remus along, wanting to do everything to make sure that Remus would still be smiling and be happy by the end of the day.

Somehow everything did go according to plan for once, and Sirius was sure if it hadn't been for Remus constantly motioning for the time at the end, they would have probably been kicked out by the service staff because of the closing time. He ended up propositioning going for dinner somewhere, but Remus had just shook his head looking a little tired and drawn into himself. So Sirius had respected that need to draw back and drove him back home, reaching out to give Remus's shoulder a gentle squeeze once they were there.

"Let's do this some time again okay?" Sirius asked tentatively, and Remus nodded slowly, reaching out to give Sirius' hand a small squeeze and then getting out of the car.

He watched as Remus walked over to the house, opening up the front door and looking once behind himself, waving at Sirius before he disappeared inside. Letting out a small sigh, Sirius leant forward to hit his forehead against the steering wheel, pressing his eyes tightly close.

"You are getting into so much trouble," he murmured to himself and then started to head back towards his home, knowing that it would do no good to keep the car standing in front of the Lupins’ home.

As promised Remus and Sirius did start spending more time together. Whenever Sirius wouldn't have any training or would be out for games, there would be a text waiting for him, asking him if he wanted to do something. It wasn't always anything big. At first Sirius took the chance to show Remus the city, but then slowly he realised that the man just needed some company, that he loved tea and enjoyed the more quieter places.

So Sirius had started to take him to a local coffee place, with large chairs, good cake and coffee. Sirius would talk about something aimlessly and Remus would sit there and just listen, and it just felt like the most normal thing in the world.

It was like he couldn't imagine his life without Remus anymore. Funny enough even his gameplay with Romulus was improving, and when Remus now came to the ice for fun, it would now be James, Romulus and him, the four of them enjoying a good fun game. Still Remus had never come over to his place, and neither had Sirius been invited over to his. It seemed like that invisible private wall that the other man was still holding up. However Sirius respected that, and he would let the other man have it as long as he needed to.

It felt like his whole life was slowly getting into order, especially when the message came in one early morning that Lily had gone into labour.

Sirius had wasted no time to get dressed and drive to the hospital, grinning as he found a flustered James standing in front the birthing area.

"Shouldn't you be inside?" Sirius asked with a grin, reaching out to give James a tight hug.

"She was threatening my balls Sirius, my balls," James muttered, wincing as a sharp cry came from inside of the room.

"You should be in there," Sirius repeated, moving to stand behind James and giving him a gentle push.

"What if I can't do this... what if I am not ready," James suddenly mumbled and Sirius frowned.

"Don't you think it's a little late to get cold feet now?" Sirius asked playfully.

"Well this is not like playing hockey," James huffed, and Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Nothing is like playing hockey, and oh my, you've been spending too much time with Remus when you are already rolling your eyes like him. Is there anything happening between the two of you?" James asked.

"You are deflecting James," Sirius said, narrowing his eyes a little and then looked back towards the door as he heard another sharp cry. "Your wonderful wife is in there, who is expecting your son and you should be in there, I'll come as well to protect your balls. I promise," Sirius continued seriously. James just stared back at him for a moment and then dropped his head a little.

"You'll take care of him if anything ever happens?" James suddenly murmured.

"Why... of course you idiot, you made me godfather after all," Sirius replied, shaking his head a little and then pushing James towards the door again. "Now stop being so melodramatic and get in there," Sirius muttered, sighing heavily in relief as James finally gave in and stepped inside.

Quickly composing himself again, he followed inside, telling himself he would make sure to never remember the sight that was currently greeting him and he put on his brightest smile, so that Lily wouldn't see how disturbed he was by all of this.

"Oh finally you brought him back in, come back here Potter before I wrangle you," Lily cursed and James scrambled over to the bed, making Sirius chuckle softly. He walked over to Lily's other side, giving her his other hand to squeeze and just wincing a little as she took it.

"Alright then, let's do this," he said reassuringly, and then waited for the nurse’s instructions.

Harry James Potter was born almost 5 hours later, and Sirius watched with fascination as the nervousness and pain suddenly turned into relief and happiness. James had allowed him to hold him as well after a while, and he told the man to take a picture, sending it straight to Remus once he had his hands free again.

**[My godson! Look how cute he is!]**

Sirius had written to Remus when he had stepped out of the hospital room for a moment. It didn't take long for the answering smiley to come in reply, and Sirius smiled as he let himself drop down in one of the hospital chairs. Everything felt perfect right now. His godson had been born, he had a family and good friends on which who he could rely on.

And then there was Remus.

There was still a lot he didn't know about him. After all it was a little difficult when the other part didn't speak at all, but Sirius had taken it upon himself to slowly get through to that. He smiled to himself, and was just about to reach for his phone again and ask what Remus was up too, as he felt his phone vibrate.

**[Where are you?]**

**[Still at the hospital.]**

**[Well yeah I guessed so much, but where?]**

**[4th floor up in the maternity ward?]**

Sirius frowned, not thinking anything of it and closed his eyes for a moment, leaning back against the wall and ignoring the uncomfortable feeling of the hard chair in his back. He almost jumped as he heard someone clearing his throat, and his eyes grew wide as he saw Remus standing in front of him. Remus holding a small plush wolf, and looking a little shy.

“Remus!” Sirius said with a broad smile, moving to get up from his chair and this time not even stopping himself to reach out to pull the other man into a hug.

He let out a small soft sigh as he could feel Remus actually returning the hug, and he was grinning broadly as he pulled back.

“You came! And you brought something too, better prepared than me,” Sirius said with a grin, and Remus playfully rolled his eyes at him.

“Shall we go inside?” Sirius asked, and Remus nodded, but then reached out to put his hand on Sirius’ arms, frowning at him a little.

“What?”

At the question, Remus reached up to let his fingers reach up to touch the top of Sirius’ eyebrow and Sirius had to pull together all of his control not to lean into it.

“I look tired?” He asked quietly instead, and Remus nodded.

“Yeah well, I had a woman screaming at me the last the few hours. I promised I would stay with James, he looks worst,” Sirius explained and Remus smiled, slowly pulling his hand away and looking a little bit shy.

“Come on, let’s go in, and then grab a tea somewhere and maybe something to eat?” He asked and waited for Remus to nod in agreement, before knocking on the door of Lily’s room and stepping inside.

“Look who showed up!” Sirius said with a grin, and he couldn't help but smile when both James and Lily seemed to welcome Remus immediately into the group.

It felt so natural to have Remus suddenly be part of their small family, like he had always been there with them, that Sirius kind of wondered how it had ever been without him in the first place. He had suddenly become such an ingrained part of Sirius’ life, that he just couldn’t imagine it without him anymore.

So Sirius didn’t even think about it as he texted Remus that day, asking if he wanted to come over to dinner to his place that night. They had always avoided going to each other’s places so far. They had always gone somewhere, but they had had a few hard games and Sirius not having seen his new friend in a while had thought he would take the chance to pamper both of them a little.

He only really realised what he had asked Remus of when the other man didn’t reply immediately.

“Well now you’ve done it haven’t you,” Sirius muttered to himself, reaching up to run a hand through his hair. He let himself slump down on one of the kitchen chairs, putting his phone down on the table before letting his upper body sink down on it next to the phone.

He almost jumped in surprise when he heard his phone vibrate a few minutes later. His hand scrambled to reach out for it, a tentative grin growing on his face as he saw that Remus had replied to his text.

**[Is there anything that I should bring?]**

Sirius grinned a little and then quickly replied that Remus only had to bring himself and then quickly pushed himself back off the kitchen chair. Feeling a fresh wave of energy go through him, Sirius got the potatoes from the shelf, turned on the music and then began to hum along to it as he started to peel them.

By the time his doorbell was ringing, the potatoes were in the oven and two large steaks were standing ready to be fried on the kitchen counter. Cleaning his hands on the kitchen towel he stepped out to the front door, grinning broadly as he opened it up and found Remus standing on the other side.

“Hey! You came!” Sirius said enthusiastically, and Remus just smiled shyly back at him, holding up a bottle wine.

“I told you that you didn’t have to,” Sirius said with a small roll of his eyes and then motioned Remus inside, who just just shrugged but then seemed to hesitate for a moment. Sirius took a small step back, giving the other man the space and time, and then let out a small breath when the he seemed to find the courage to finally step inside.

“Not that I am saying no to a good bottle of wine,” Sirius said to lighten the mood, leading the way into the kitchen. “I hope you like steak, I have some oven potatoes to go along with them,” he explained.

Remus nodded, following Sirius into the kitchen and after a moment of looking around, immediately started to look through the cupboards.

“Bottle opener is there, and the glasses are there,” Sirius explained, not at all minding how Remus just seemed to be ready to help himself like this. He just seemed to be fitting right in and it made a comfortable feeling wrap around Sirius.

He, in the meanwhile turned on the stove, putting the butter on it and waiting for it get warm as he watched Remus out of the corner of his eyes.

“You should see Harry, he’s getting bigger and bigger with every day,” Sirius said with a broad grin.

“I am sure James is going to turn grey before Harry has turned one year old,” he added in amusement.

Remus in turn grinned back at him and then held out a glass of wine towards him. Murmuring a small thanks, Sirius took it, clinking his glass against Remus’ and then taking a sip.

“Good,” he said with a warm smile, and then put his glass down so that he could put the steaks on the pan. Remus grinned back at him, taking a sip of his own glass and then started to look through the kitchen, apparently taking the opportunity to set the table.

It was easy to work with Remus in the kitchen, and soon enough they were sitting at the table eating and Sirius smiled as he saw how the other man seemed to be enjoying his food.

“Do you like it?” Sirius couldn’t help but ask anyway, rubbing nervously with his fingers along the wood of the table.

Remus looked back at him with a deep thoughtful expression, scrunching up his nose a little making Sirius momentarily worried that he might have not liked his food after all. However he then grinned, and Sirius could see a small mischievous glint in those brown eyes.

“You are an ass,” Sirius mumbled, narrowing his eyes a little at Remus. “Did anyone ever tell you that? Making poor little me think that the food is all horrible and not edible,” Sirius continued with a small huff, crossing his arms demonstratively over his chest.

Remus just grinned at him and then actually let out a small faint chuckle. Sirius’ eyebrows rose up for a moment in curiosity and Remus looked back at him with a small shocked and embarrassed expression.

“So you do have a voice,”  Sirius said softly, tilting his head a little to the side.

Remus looked back at him with a shy smile and shrugged a little, suddenly seeming interested in moving his last potatoe around on his plate.

“You know, it’s okay if you don’t, but just that you know, you do have a nice laugh,” Sirius continued and he wondered when the moment would come that he would mess all of this up.

“Your hockey skills are pretty good too if I might add, it’s a shame that you don’t play,” he continued and Remus stuffed the potato in his mouth, which seemed to be as good sign as any for Sirius to finally keep his mouth shut.

Clearing his throat, he moved to get up from the table and reached out for their dishes, putting them into the dishwasher, anything that would keep his hands distracted and his mouth from saying anything stupid.

He only looked up again as he suddenly felt a hand on his arm. He hadn’t even realised that Remus had moved to stand next him, and was now looking at him with a slightly apologetic expression.

“Hey no,” Sirius murmured, turning around to face the other man and reaching out to put his hands gently on the other man’s shoulders.

“Listen to me, because I am only going to say this once,” he said seriously but then a small grin tugged at the corner of his lips, reaching out to cup Remus’ cheek with the his left hand.

“There is nothing wrong with you, and I do not care that I am the only one talking here,” Sirius continued, narrowing his eyebrows a little to make sure that Remus would understand and get the meaning that Sirius was trying to get across here. He wasn’t always good in explaining how he felt or what he meant, but he was learning and it seemed to be easy when having Remus here in front of him. Remus who had so far  never shown a sign that Sirius could do anything wrong.

Remus opened and closed his mouth a few times, and Sirius could practically hear the wheels turning in the other man’s head. Sirius shook his head and then moved his hand to rest two fingers right over the other man’s lips.

“Even if you decide to never to talk again, that is completely alright with me,” Sirius said reassuringly. “No arguing. My word rules,” he continued, and this time Remus narrowed his eyes a little at him.

“I know your brother might have a few different opinions on that…” Sirius started and Remus rolled his eyes at that and then reached up for Sirius’ hand. He gave it a small squeeze and then slowly pulled back. Walking over to the fridge, he grabbed them each a beer and then lead the way towards the living room.

Sirius could just watch with a fascinated expression as the man kicked off his shoes and then sat down on the couch, looking at Sirius with an expectant expression.

“I am coming,” Sirius said with a grin and then without hesitation followed him.

It was how they ended up on the couch, first sitting next to each other and then slowly but surely Sirius moved so that he was more curled up into the corner of the couch and Remus followed, ending up curled up against him. They had turned on a random movie on the television, not that Sirius could concentrate on it, once he had Remus that close.

He looked down at the other man with a soft smile and then reached out to wrap his arms tentatively around him. He could feel his breath catch in his throat a little as Remus in the process curled up a little more against him and seemed to be drifting off a little.

Sirius didn’t really know what to do for a moment, but then decided to just take it as it came.  He leant his head down a little to press a tentative kiss against Remus’ head and then turned his attention back to the television.

By the time the movie was over, Sirius nudged Remus gently awake. Deciding on the more sensible solution, he let Remus sleep in the spare bedroom, not wanting the man to drive back home half drunk. It was weird to have the other man sleep over, but nice at the same time.

Still he was a little surprised when he woke up the next morning to find Remus already awake, having prepared them some breakfast.

“You didn’t have to you know,” Sirius mumbled, still half asleep, but Remus had just smiled and then motioned for Sirius to take a seat at his table.

He was still a little bit baffled by it all by the time Remus left afterwards, feeling like something had changed between but not in a bad way.

He couldn’t stop thinking about it, to the point that when he went to James’ and Lily’s a few days later he was apparently still grinning like a loon.

“What happened to you?” James asked, looking pretty tired as he handed Harry to Sirius’ eager arms.

“What do you mean?” Sirius returned the question, adjusting Harry gently against his chest before moving to sit down on the couch.

“You look like you got several birthdays at once,” James said, plopping down next to Sirius and letting out a heavy sigh.

“Ohh well… I guess, Remus stayed over the other night,” Sirius explained, and grinned as he realised that he had James’ immediate attention.

“Aaand?” the other man pushed a little bit more curious, nudging Sirius’ shoulder a little.

“Nothing. And he stayed the night and then went back home the next morning,” Sirius murmured, rubbing his hand gently over Harry’s back.

“Have you met up since?” James asked.

“Nope…” Sirius replied and then frowned a little. “Do you think I went too far?”

“Well I was just about to ask you what exactly happened, I meant it’s your life, and I am not going to talk you into doing what you should and should not be doing…” James started.

“But you think I might have bitten off more than I can chew?” Sirius retorted.

“Well I think Romulus can pretty much beat the shit out of you if you should ever dare to hurt his brother,” James said sincerely, raising an eyebrow at Sirius.

“And you?” Sirius asked earnestly, because James’ opinion mattered.

“Well… I might watch him for a bit, because you’d be an idiot. But whatever floats your boat,” James said with a small shrug and then reached out to ruffle gently through Sirius’ hair. Sirius couldn’t help but squirm a little, feeling an invisible weight lift from his shoulders and adjusted Harry a little in his arms.

“I just… I invited him over for dinner the other night, and suddenly we were on the couch and I had an arm full of Remus,” Sirius blurted out and James couldn’t help but laugh.

“And did you kiss him?” James questioned.

“No…”

“What do you mean no?”

“Well… I didn’t want to push you know. He stayed in the guest bedroom too,” Sirius explained.

"Well this is definitely a first," James replied with a small chuckle, turning around a little so that he could look at Sirius better. "Normally you would usually jump anyone who was available and attractive enough," he teased and Sirius narrowed his eyes a little at his friend, keeping back the curse words because he was still holding Harry in his arms and he had promised Lily that he would cut down on the swearing.

"He must really mean something to you," James added and Sirius couldn't help but duck his head a little, shrugging and letting his fingers rub small circles against Harry's back.

"It's nothing," he mumbled.

"It doesn't sound like nothing when you have apparently been swooning over him," James continued. "So what are you going to do next?"

Sirius frowned and then looked back up at James.

"What do you mean with; what am I going to do next?" Sirius asked.

"Well, we have the first two things out of the way, one: you might have bitten off more than you can chew. Romulus Lupin can beat the living daylight out of you, and two, you are completely hearts eyed for a guy that doesn't talk. This sounds like you should be devising a plan," James explained and Sirius couldn't help but let out a loud amused laugh, followed by a groan. Because when he thought about it, James was right about all of those points.

He was momentarily distracted by his thoughts as Harry squirmed in his arms, looking up at Sirius with a disgruntled expression.

"What?" he asked softly, and Harry garbled back at him, his eyes slowly blinking close again.

"I should bring him to bed, but don't think this conversation is over yet," James said sincerely. Reluctantly, Sirius handed Harry back over to James and watched the two leave the room. Closing his eyes, he let his mind wander for a moment, wondering exactly how he had gotten himself into this position and what he was supposed to do about it.

He knew he only really had two options. One, he could pursue the feelings that were currently bubbling up inside of him, and he was going to blame James fully for that. Stupid James for making him see what was going on and now making his brain think about it. Or two, he could opt to ignore it and hope it would go away one way or another and just keep this beautiful friendship that had formed between Remus and him.

He let out a heavy sigh and put his head in his hands, tugging a little at his hair.

"Don't do that Sirius, you are going to make yourself go bald," James said warmly from the doorway, and Sirius let out a small growling sound, before lifting his head again.

"What do I do?" he asked wearily, really having no answer for himself right now.

"Well... do you think the feelings are just going to go away?" James asked earnestly, stepping back into the room to sit back down next to Sirius.

Sirius let the question hang in his head for a moment and then slowly shook his head. Even if the relationship would stay completely platonic, he couldn't imagine his life without Remus anymore.

"No I don't think so," Sirius eventually replied. "You know... we've been meeting up more and more, just small things, and he just lets me ramble about the most inane things. And then, when he was at my place, he actually laughed. I got so used to him not talking, that I didn't even think that he could laugh, but it was the most beautiful sound that I ever heard and I knew at that moment that I always wanted to hear that again, no matter how much of an effort it takes."

Sirius blushed as he realised of what he had just said, a small amused chuckle escaping his lips afterwards.

"Oh god, I am turning into you and Lily, ain't I?" Sirius asked teasingly, a grin tugging at the corner of his lips.

"And it's about bloody time," James replied, nudging Sirius gently into the shoulder.

"JAMES! Swear jar," Lily's voice called from the office, and both of the men laughed softly.

"She still has really good ears," Sirius said with a smirk.

"Yeah... I don't know she does it," James replied with a soft chuckle. "But, seriously, this is good, it really is." And Sirius found himself drawn into a one armed hug, James' free hand reaching up to run a hand gently through Sirius' hair.

"What would our parents say?" Sirius couldn't help but suddenly ask, looking at James with a nervous expression.

"You know that they would love you no matter what," James answered. "Mum would call you an idiot for ever even doubting that."

"Yeah I guess so," Sirius replied and then nodded, feeling like he could finally manage to settle on some kind of decision for himself.

When he went home that night, he lay awake in his bed for a while, ending up rolling over to his side and looking at his phone. He smiled as he saw an unread message, it immediately softening as he saw that it was from Remus.

**[Thank you for the other night, I really had a good time.]**

Sirius waited for a moment before he hit the reply button, not wanting to seem overeager in any kind of way.

**[Me too. Maybe we can do it again some time?]**

He felt slightly nervous by the time he hit the send button, rolling back on his back and looking up at the ceiling. It didn't take too long for his phone to vibrate again.

**[Definitely. I'll bake a cake for you the next time.]**

**[You bake?]**

Sirius let out a soft whistling sound as he received a picture of an apple pie in reply. It seemed to be fresh out of the oven, some steam still coming from it.

**[You are making me hungry again]**

**[I'll make Romulus bring you some for practice tomorrow]**

**[How are you going to make sure he doesn't eat it by himself?]**

**[Well I guess that is indeed a problem, I'll guess I'll have to come along then. Shall I bring my skates too?]**

**[Was that a serious question?]**

Sirius grinned as he could just imagine how Remus was rolling his eyes at him. He could feel a small yawn escaping his lips, reaching out to tug the blanket more tightly around himself.

**[I am going to get some sleep. Night Remus.]**

**[Good night Sirius.]**

Putting his phone down on the bedside table, Sirius smiled to himself as he closed his eyes. Life was definitely going well.

 


	2. Part Two

"Sirius we have to start the game," Sirius could hear Romulus say behind him and Sirius let out a heavy sigh. He looked back down at his phone in his hands, once more dialing James' number and attempting to get through to him. He let out a frustrated sigh when no one seemed to be picking up the phone and then moved to get up from the bench, turning his phone on silent and putting it into his bag.

"Alright, alright," Sirius mumbled, rubbing his hands over his face and taking in a deep breath.

"Nothing is wrong, right? Just a coincidence," he continued and he looked up at Romulus with a somewhat hopeful expression.

Being friends with Remus had given him the opportunity to become friends with Romulus as well. He had grown to understand the other twin a lot better by now, as he had gotten past the stern exterior, which wasn't that bad as it looked like to be. He could definitely say that the other Lupin twin had also become his friend. Not in the same way as Remus (that would definitely be creepy), but in a good mate kind of way, and of course that helped them through their gameplay as well.

"I am sure Lily would have phoned if something was off," Romulus reassured him and gave Sirius a gentle nudge to the shoulders. "Come on, the team is waiting, and I am sure the ref's are going to hassle us if we keep the game waiting any longer," he continued.

Rolling his shoulders, Sirius nodded and then stepped out of the changing rooms with Romulus, guessing that James and Lily had probably just ended somewhere in traffic or something else, and that everything would be alright. He pushed his worried thoughts away, and walked up to his team, giving them all a quick update about the situation. They stuck together like they always did, and headed out onto the ice to play their game.

The game against the Washington Capitals was brutal and Sirius could feel that he was distracted. The distraction turned into frustration, and as he was once more pulled out of the game for a penalty that the other team hadn't deserved, he almost lost it.

They ended up losing the game, and all of them hung their heads as they walked into the changing rooms after the third period. Not looking at his phone just yet, Sirius concentrated on getting into the shower and get changed, needing to wash off the sweat and frustration of this day before doing anything else.

"Do you want to come to our place for dinner?" Romulus asked once they had all changed, and Sirius was just packing up his bag.

"I have to check on James first, but then yeah..." Sirius agreed albeit a little distractedly. He reached out to pull his phone from his pocket and then frowned. There were several missed calls from James.

"Idiot..." Sirius grumbled to himself and sat down, pressing the redial button and holding the phone to his ear.

"Did James call?" Romulus asked and Sirius nodded, rubbing a hand over his face, grinning a little as he could hear the line being picked up. "Hey you idiot, you missed the game..."

"Hello?"

"James?"

"No, I am Marie Pomfrey, I am calling from the Presbyterian hospital,” a female voice replied, and Sirius frowned, not understanding why a woman would have James’ phone, especially someone from a hospital.

“Why do you have James’ phone? Is everything okay? Is Harry okay? Lily?” Sirius asked nervously, and he knew that he was babbling but there was no way around it right now. He needed to know and there was this anxious feeling growing more and more inside of him.

“There has been an accident. This mobile phone has been found by the sight and you were listed as his brother in the contact list. We've been trying to reach a next of kin..." Sirius couldn't remember all the words that came next, just answering with small yesses every now and then.

"Can you come?" she asked gently after a moment.

"Of course. I'll come, I'll be right there," Sirius replied, and then hung up. He just sat there for a moment and then moved to get up, reaching out for his bag and stuffing his phone back in it before rushing for the door.

"Sirius?" he could hear Romulus calling after him, but Sirius just shook his head, needing to get out, needing to get to his car and get to the hospital as quick as possible.

The ride to the hospital was a blur and he could feel how his whole body seemed to be shaking on the inside as he stepped forward to the reception desk.

"Hi... my name is Sirius Black, I am looking..." he ducked his head for a moment, putting his hands on top of the reception desk to steady himself. "I am looking for my friends, the Potters. One of your colleagues, Marie Pomfrey was it? Called me? And asked me to come."

“Why don't you go down and sit down for a moment, I will call her for you,” the woman at the reception desk said kindly. Sirius nodded quietly, taking in a deep breath as he walked over to the waiting area.

He stared at the chairs for a moment before he eventually managed to get himself to sit down on one. Nothing seemed to be making sense anymore in his mind, pinching himself hard to make sure that it wasn't all just a bad dream. He barely dared to look up as he saw a doctor walking towards him, his fingers clenching into the bottom of the seat before he forced himself to stand up.

“Mr. Black?” the doctor asked softly.

“Sirius, please…” Sirius replied and his voice was shaking. He couldn't get himself to say more, his body working on the last bit of adrenaline that he still had inside of him.

“Maybe you want to sit back down?” She motioned back towards the chair Sirius had been sitting on and he shook his head. He wasn't sure if he would be able to handle any news sitting down right now.

“Alright,” she answered and her voice was still so kind and gentle, Sirius felt like he wanted to wrangle her for it.

“Like I told you on the phone, there was a car accident. The police are still trying to determine how it happened, but there were several cars involved and their car was right in the middle,” she started and Sirius nodded, feeling dread wash over him.

“What about James and Lily?” Sirius asked quietly.

“I am sorry..” Sirius blanked out after whatever was said next and he was suddenly happy for the chair behind him. He let himself drop down on it, taking in a deep breath, his fingers moving up to run through his hair and tug on the strands.

“Can I..?” Sirius started but then didn't really know how to continue.

“I would advise against it since it's not the most pleasant sight,” the doctor replied and Sirius wanted to argue about how he wasn't allowed to see James another time but couldn't find the strength to.

“Is there anyone we can contact?” she then asked and Sirius shook his head, pulling away as he could see a hand attempting to reach out for him.

“No… there is no one, there is just me,” Sirius said and then looked down at his feet. He felt everything turning into a quiet buzz around him, and he wasn't sure if he was going to cry or scream, or just sit here for hours until the shock would wear off. When he looked up he saw that the doctor had left, probably to give him some space, and it gave him the chance to just look around. He had no idea what to do with himself right now, what he was supposed to do next, no one had ever prepared for something like this.

He let out a shuddering sigh, attempting to move up as he watched the entrance door open and Shacklebolt storm into the hospital. He looked around for a moment, going straight for Sirius as he saw him and moving to stand in front of him.

“Are they?” He asked quietly and Sirius nodded solemnly, not having any words for his coach. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and Sirius looked up at him with a blank expression not sure how to handle the comfort right now.

“What about Harry?” Kinsley asked and Sirius felt like a knife was cutting through his chest. The doctor hadn't mentioned a toddler, only James and Lily. His mouth opened and closed several times as he tried not to think of all the horrible outcomes that could have happened.

His hands scrambled for his phone in his trouser pocket, glad to have remembered to take it along before getting out of the car. He ignored all the text messages that had apparently spammed his inbox, his shaking his fingers attempting to dial the landline for James’ and Lily’s home. Sirius knew that Alice sometimes came over with her son Neville to keep Lily company, and that the mothers babysat each others toddlers at times. He had never been one to pray, but right now he was hoping that today was just another playdate for Harry.

Sirius was anxiously biting his lower lip as he finally managed to dial the number and hold the phone to his ear. Every ring was making his heart beat faster, and he was almost ready to give up as someone finally picked up.

“Potters residence?” Sirius recognized Alice's familiar voice and let out a long shuddering breath.

“Hello?”

“It's Sirius,” Sirius finally managed to force out, his fingers gripping the phone tightly. “Is Harry with you?” He then quickly asked afterwards, looking back at Kingsley as he did so.

“Yes he is… why?” Alice asked, sounding a little nervous now.

“I… I'll be there in a bit. I've got spare keys, I'll let myself in, just… I'll explain when I get there,” Sirius said hoarsely, not waiting for a reply and just ending the call. He nodded at Kingsley who looked for a moment somewhat relieved before the professional expression went back over his face.

“You go to Harry, we will take care of everything here. Take all the time you need, and if you need any help from legal you know where to reach us,” Kingsley said calmly and Sirius nodded slowly. He could concentrate on this. On getting to Harry. Harry needed him now.

“Thank you,” Sirius replied hoarsely. He pushed himself up to stand, looking around as he tried to orientate himself and then headed for the exit.

He felt like he was on automatic mode as he stepped into the car, hardly registering as he drove over to James’ and Lily’s house. He parked in the driveway for a while, just staring at the house, before he managed to get out and walk towards the front door. His hands were shaking as he opened the door, closing it quietly behind him.

As soon as he was inside he had Alice walk towards him, her eyes bloodshot and wide.

“Is it true?” she asked quietly and Sirius frowned. “It's all over the news.”

“Yes.. I just came from the hospital,” Sirius replied hoarsely and he looked away as he heard Alicia gasp in horror. He knew that he should reach out to hug her, to give her some kind of comfort, but he just couldn't find the strength to do so right now.

“Where is Harry?” He just managed to ask. He needed to get out of here, it was all becoming too much and he knew that he had to take Harry with him.

“He's in the living room with Neville,” Alice replied, her hands moving as she tried to wipe away her tears.

“I know it's too much to ask.. But..” Sirius started not knowing how to continue.

“I'll pack you some bags,” she replied instantly and then walked up the stairs.

Rubbing a hand over his face, Sirius walked into the living room, forcing up a smile as he saw both Neville and Harry in the large play corner. He swallowed as Harry grinned up at him, immediately holding his hands up to Sirius.

Smiling weakly, Sirius reached down to pick him up in his arms, pressing a kiss against his head. He had no idea how to tell his godson of what happened, or if the toddler would even  understand it yet so he decided that he would wait a little before he would try and find the right words to say.

“You going to stay with me for a while, okay kiddo?” Sirius asked hoarsely. Harry frowned at him, mumbling something back at him in baby talk and pressing a hand against his cheek.

“Yeah just you and me,” Sirius replied and Harry pressed his face into Sirius’ neck, making the man let out a long shuddering breath.

It felt like hours before Alice came back down with two bags, looking at Sirius with what he could tell was supposed to be a comforting expression. They somehow managed to get the house locked down, Harry and the bags into his car, and then he was on the way to his own place.

He had babysitted Harry a few times, so there had always been an a small fold up bed ready for the toddler but he knew that he was lacking everything else. Sirius had no idea how he was going to manage all of it, but he knew that he had to. He wasn't going to let Harry fall into the system.

Sirius didn't know how he ended managing getting them settled that night, opting to have Harry sleep with him in his bed. He ended up staring at him through the night, attempting to come up with a plan for all of this. Hoping that he wasn't going to fuck up Harry's life in the process.

The next few days were hell for Sirius.

When he had finally managed to get Harry and himself up the next day, responsibilities had hit him full on. He had wanted to do nothing but hide, not sure how to deal with the sudden onslaught of decisions, but kept remembering Kingsleys words from the day before.

So Sirius took the help from their legal department. Arranging the funeral and getting all the papers in order to legally adopting Harry. All while keeping clear of his teammates, including Remus. He had no idea how to deal with hockey right now, and while they had all send him their condolences and everyone seemed to be openly mourning the loss of their captain, Sirius just couldn't get himself to respond.

The closest he came to seeing them was a week later when the funeral took place.

By that time Harry had realised that his parents weren't coming back. There had been a lot of crying at first, and when the funeral had rolled around it had subdued into sniffles and turned Harry into a quiet and sad boy.

It was raining that day, which Sirius thought fit to the circumstances. He held Harry in his arms throughout the whole service and the wake afterwards. Many people came up to him to offer his condolences, which he accepted quietly, until he felt like he couldn't handle it anymore and just stepped away from it all.

He managed to catch sight of Remus in between, close to his twin brother, both dressed in the same suits. Their eyes met for a moment and he could see Remus attempting to take a step towards him. But Sirius ducked his head and turned around, pressing a kiss to Harry's head and stepping out of the main room.

Sirius knew it wasn't the polite thing to do. However right now he didn't know how to handle any of this, and all he wanted was to go back home.

However at home nothing seemed to be getting easier. The stress of the day had gotten to Harry as well and not for the first time he wondered how he was going to handle all of this. He found himself sitting on the floor next to Harry’s bed, every now and then nodding off, trying to form a plan of what he needed to do next.

So far he had only managed to pull the pull up crib for for Harry, and open the bags in the guest bedroom. Few of Harry’s toys he had managed to bring along already spread through his living room. He would still need to redecorate the whole room, bring the rest of Harry’s belongings over, and pack up James’ and Lily’s house. Additionally to that there were the court appointments he had to go to, to make Harry’s adoption legal.

“Oh fuck James… why did you think I could ever do this?” Sirius whispered hoarsely, hitting his head back against the wall. He winced as he could immediately hear Harry sniffle in the bed next to him, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration.

“I know kiddo…” he murmured, pushing himself back up on his feet as he reached into the crib to pull Harry into his arms.

Not knowing what else to do, he carried Harry with him into the bedroom, moving to lie down on his bed with the toddler, making sure so that Harry wouldn’t fall off the side of the bed.

“Sleep now…” he mumbled, still keeping an arm wrapped around Harry as he watched the toddler go back to sleep.

Sirius continued to watch him for the rest of the night, and when they got up the next morning, Sirius grabbed his laptop and wrote an email to Kingsley. It was a hard step to take, but he knew that he had to. He wasn’t going to leave the team, he knew he had a long standing contract and that they weren’t going to chuck him out because of this. However right now he couldn’t handle the thought of playing and neither did he know how to time manage it with Harry.

He let out a shuddering sigh when the email was send. Saying in simple words that he needed to take a time out, that he would be back, he just didn’t know when yet and that he was sorry.

“Now it’s just us Harry,” Sirius whispered, adjusting Harry in his lap and resting his chin on top of the toddler's head and just letting everything sink in.

The next thing he concentrated on were the court hearings.

Sirius had managed to get himself to drive over to James’ and Lily’s house to get all of Harry’s documents, not looking at anything else before he exited the house as quickly as possible again. He tried to make himself look as representable as possible as he appeared for the hearings, presenting a plan on how he was going to take care of Harry until he was going to be 18.

James’ parents had died shortly after he had married, and Lily’s parents lived somewhere in Europe and had long ago shown clearly that they had no interest in any kind of family ties. Since there were no further family members available, and Sirius being the godfather of Harry, it made matters a little bit easier.

He had no concrete plan on how he was going to involve hockey into the whole upbringing, however right now he didn’t know if he would ever go back on to the ice.

They had asked him everything possible from how he was living, how he had grown up, what he thought that Harry needed, to them coming to his house to make sure that he had fit living conditions to house Harry. By that point Sirius wondered if he had lost his case, and he could feel the anxiety crippling him with that thought every day. He had no idea how he would handle the thought if Harry wasn't allowed to stay with him, only knowing that he would never forgive himself if it ever happened.

When the last hearing came along, Sirius sat in the courtroom fiddling nervously with his hands, his eyes fixed on Harry who was sitting in the stroller next to him.

“This is it kiddo,” Sirius murmured, reaching out to let his hand smooth over the hair on top of Harry's head.

“I better not have fucked this up,” he muttered and Harry mumbled something in turn that made Sirius smile weakly.

“I know, swear jar,” Sirius chuckled. He then sat up straight as he could hear someone clearing his throat.

“Sirius Black…”

“Yes your honour,” Sirius replied as calmly as possible moving to stand up from where he was sitting.

“After a lot of consideration, and taking into account the circumstances that have led to this situation,” the judge started and Sirius wished that he had something to hold on to. “We have come to the conclusion to grant you custody of Harry James Potter.”

“Thank you your honour…” Sirius started, feeling the relief spread through him and stopping to talk as the judge raised his hand to show that he wasn’t finished yet.

“There will be regular announced check ups to make sure that all living the conditions are in order. Should we not find them to be so, the custody will be removed and you will have to reapply for it, can you agree to those terms?” the judge asked.

“Yes your honour,” Sirius replied formally without hesitation. He was going to do his best to make sure that Harry would get everything he needed, even if it would mean that he had to stop playing hockey.

“Then come here and signs the papers,” the judge replied and Sirius stepped forward, his hands shaking as he signed the adoption papers.

It was only really by the time he had arrived back home, Harry sitting in the play corner he had created for him and Sirius on the couch, that he realised what had happened. He was now officially Harry's guardian, no one could take him away from him now. Which only really lead to the much harsher truth.

James and Lily were dead.

Ever since it had happened Sirius had tried to ignore it as much as possible. He had put all his attention into getting the funeral prepared and then adopting Harry as quick as possible, that he hasn't let himself think about it.

He let out a shuddering breath and he reached out to put a hand against his chest as he could feel it tighten uncomfortably. He pressed his eyes tightly close, attempting to feel anything but the pain in his chest. His eyes snapped open as he suddenly felt hands against his legs and he realised that Harry must have crawled over to him.

“Hey kiddo,” Sirius murmured, reaching down to pick Harry up in his arms and pulling him against his chest.

Harry looked questiongly over to the door and Sirius shook his head.

“No… you are living with me now,” Sirius murmured. “We will have to redecorate your room now. Maybe I'll buy you a new set of furniture, how would you like that?” He continued to murmur, hoping that Harry would understand some of it.

Maybe if he would get Harry's room properly done it would get easier for them. Maybe then Harry would stop waking up crying at night and they would have a decent night’s sleep. Sirius knew it was a hard step, but he was hoping that somehow things would normalize soon.

“We will go shopping tomorrow,” Sirius added after a while. He moved to get up from the couch and carried Harry into the kitchen, holding him against his side, something he had slowly learnt to do ever since Harry had moved in with him.

“We will get you a new bed and some toys,” he said making a mental plan for himself.

It all seemed like a very good plan too.

Sirius and Harry had somehow managed to sleep through the night without too many interruptions, and hearing that they were leaving the house had apparently given Harry something to be at least a little happy about. So it had luckily not been too hard to get the toddler ready for the day, and Sirius could actually feel himself looking forward to it as well.

He had driven them out to one of the bigger shopping centres, knowing which one would be quieter during the week and where he would find everything he needed. It wasn't hard to find a parking spot, ending up having more difficulties getting the fold up stroller to unfold again once he had gotten it out of the car.

Sirius let out a small frustrated sigh, pressing his eyes tightly close for a moment. He only opened them again as he could hear Harry's mumbling from the backseat, a small weak smile appearing on his face.

“This worked the other day,” Sirius said, putting the stroller on to the ground and throwing his hands up in frustration.

Harry just garbled something in reply, making Sirius let out a small snort.

“I am pathetic I know,” Sirius said with a huff. “Well I told your dad not to buy this one, but he just really had to have it…” the words were out before Sirius had even realised he had said it.

The tight feeling returned to his chest, and he took a deep breath as he tried to get rid of it. What hurt however more were the sounds of Harry's quiet sniffles from his seat.

Without hesitation, Sirius immediately walked over to the side of the car and opened up the door. Unbuckling the seatbelts from around Harry, he picked the toddler up in his arms, pressing him tightly against his chest.

“I know kiddo… I am so sorry… I know…” Sirius murmured hoarsely.

He rocked Harry gently in his arms, attempting to breathe as deeply as possible and making small shushing noises as Harry cried in his arms. When the toddler finally calmed down, Sirius’ shirt was wet and Harry didn't look like he wanted to go anywhere anymore.

“Yeah we are getting McDonalds and going home,” Sirius mumbled.

It was hard to get Harry back into his baby seat, needing to console the toddler over and over again that he wasn't going to leave. He managed not to forget to put the stroller back into the trunk of the car and then got back into the car.

Half an hour later he found himself walking back towards his front door. Harry in his arms and somehow holding a take away bag of McDonalds in his hands. He stopped in his tracks as he saw shopping bags standing in front of his doorstep, not daring to take a step closer at first.

Sirius just found himself staring at the bags for a while before he cautiously stepped closer to them. They were filled with food and drinks, like if someone knew how bad he had been at going grocery shopping lately.

He stepped over them to unlock the door, carrying Harry inside, putting him down in his playpen and their food on the coffee table, before heading back to the front door to get the shopping bags into the kitchen. He couldn't help but look a little dumbfounded as he saw all the basic essentials had been shopped for; a pie that he could probably live on for days and baby food, the good kind, that he was sure that Harry was going to love.

Once he had everything unpacked, Sirius was almost ready to throw away the bags as he saw the note attached to one of them.

**‘Answer your phone you asshole. R.L.’**

Sirius let out a heavy sigh, dropping the note back on to the kitchen table and heading back to the living room. He checked on Harry to make sure the toddler was okay and then sat down on the couch.

For a while he just concentrated on eating his now cold food, until he finally managed to reach out for his phone.

He had ignored all the phone calls and texts, not wanting to deal with any more condolences. The only reason he still carried it around was if he needed to call someone in case of an emergency.

Taking in a deep breath, Sirius let himself look through the string of text messages. All of them telling him how sorry they were and asking if they could help. He stopped as he saw the ones from Remus and he could feel his stomach tighten uncomfortably.

**[Is there anything I can do?]**

 

**[Sirius I am so sorry, please tell me if we can help.]**

 

**[Please answer, or call my brother.]**

 

**[We are going to be at the funeral later. Do you need a ride?]**

 

**[Can I come over?]**

The last text had been right after the funeral, but after that Remus seemed to have given up on getting into contact with him. Pressing his eyes tightly close, Sirius took in a deep breath. Putting his phone back on the coffee table, he then leant back against the couch, rubbing a hand over his face.

“Damn it James… you warned me that I would fuck this up,” Sirius murmured angrily to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose. He just didn’t know how to deal with all of this anymore, and he had no idea how he was supposed to tell Remus how he felt on the inside when he didn’t understand it himself  in the first place.

He almost wanted to pack up all the groceries again and text the man to take all the food back; that he didn’t need their help. But even for that he couldn’t find the strength to do.

When he eventually managed to find the strength to move again, Sirius reached out to turn off his phone, not wanting to deal with it any longer. He needed to concentrate on Harry and that was all that mattered right now.

He ended up ordering furniture for Harry online. After managing to get the furniture out of the guest bedroom, Harry’s arrived and it took him several days and a lot of cursing until he had set it up the way he wanted it to. By the time he was finally done, Sirius had put up a jar in the kitchen, which was filled with several dollar bills.

“Your mum used to do this Harry,” Sirius said one night during dinner, holding Harry on his lap while he was trying to get them both to eat something.

“Every time your father or I used to curse, we had to put a dollar in the jar, which then goes towards your education,” he explained, choking up just a little and pressing kiss against Harry’s head as he quickly pushed away the feelings inside of him again.

The next time he managed to somewhat open himself up to the real world again, was as he accidentally turned on the news one night.

“After losing two of their most important players that year, the Pittsburgh Penguins haven’t managed to continue into the playoffs this time…” the reporter said calmly and Sirius quickly turned the television off again.

“Fuck…” Sirius cursed under his breath, slamming his fist against the coffee table. He then tensed for a moment, looking up at the ceiling. He had just put Harry down for a nap and he really didn’t want to wake the toddler again. They had just somehow managed to get a sleeping pattern between the two of them, so that at least one of them slept through the night.

When he heard no noise coming from upstairs, he let out a small sigh in relief and then was about to stand up and get himself a beer as he heard the doorbell ring.

No one had been here since James’ and Lily’s death, if he didn’t count the furniture movers and the person who had left the groceries on his doorstep. He was confused about why someone would still want to come over to his place now and give a damn about him. Maybe if he moved to lie down on the couch and stayed quiet enough, no one would notice that he was here.

“Sirius! Open up the door! Your car is parked in the driveway,” the very familiar voice of Romulus Lupin said from outside his front door, followed by several harsh knocks.

“If you don’t open this door, I will break in. You’ve got ten seconds Black,” Romulus threatened and Sirius almost fell over his feet as he rushed on to his feet. There was one thing about not wanting to talk to people, but right now he really didn’t want to deal with a broken window as well.

Sirius unlocked the door and then opened it a little bit, staring at Romulus through the slit of it.

“What do you want?” he asked, his voice hoarse from not having used it for so long.

“Fucking hell Black, you look like shit,” Romulus replied, and Sirius fell a few steps back, as the man pushed with his palm against the door and forced it open like Sirius had no strength at all.

“You didn’t have to come all the way here to tell me this,” Sirius said with a huff, crossing his arms over his chest and trying to block Romulus from coming any further into his house.

“Well you weren’t answering your phone, so someone had to come over and tell you personally,” Romulus said, closing the door behind himself and making it clear that he wasn’t going to leave any time soon again. “Where is Harry?”

“He’s asleep upstairs, or at least hopefully still asleep after all the noise you have been making here the last few minutes,” Sirius grumbled, looking down at his feet as Romulus hummed in reply. He let the other man have a small look around and then cleared his throat again.

“Well now that you have been here, you can go again,” Sirius muttered, motioning towards the door.

“And you are going to be alright?” Romulus asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Well I have managed to take care of myself the past months haven’t I?” Sirius asked, attempting to meet Romulus’ gaze.

“Yeah I can see that,” Romulus replied calmly, slowly raising an eyebrow.

“Well what do you want me to do?! My best friends and only family died!” Sirius shouted and then tensed. It was the first time he had said it out loud and he could feel his chest tighten again. He vehemently shook his head and then pointed towards the door.

“Get out!” he snarled, gritting his teeth, his hand attempting to reach out for Romulus’ arm and pull him out off his place if he had to.

“Get out and leave me alone,” he continued, stumbling on his feet as Romulus side stepped him. Seconds later he felt arms wrap around him, pulling him into a tight hug. Sirius let out a disgruntled sound, letting his fists hit against Romulus’ chest.

“LET GO!” he said this time a little louder, his breathing coming in harsh bursts and he could feel how much it hurt to take the smallest of breaths right now.

“Not until you’ve calmed down,” Romulus murmured and Sirius let out another frustrated sound.

“You can’t just come here… you can’t just…” Sirius started but he could feel the strength leaving him, having to concentrate the hardest on taking deep breaths.

“I know… they are dead, and no one can replace them, and no one wants to, but you still have other people who care for you,” Romulus murmured and his voice was so caring that it broke Sirius down further.

“No… no… they’re… they’re going….” Sirius hiccuped.

“They’re not coming back Sirius,” Romulus said and it was like someone invisible wall had broken down.

Sirius could feel his legs give in as the sobs broke free. He didn’t know how long he ended up crying for, or how he had ended up kneeling on the floor. Romulus was there however the whole time, holding on to him, tightening his hold whenever Sirius tried to fight against it. He felt drained from all of his energy by the time he could finally take a deep calming breath again, feeling too ashamed to look up at Romulus’ reassuring face.

“Let's get you off the floor,” Romulus said quietly, adjusting his legs and pulling Sirius up by his arms. Sirius felt weak and uncoordinated on his legs, and it took a bit of help to manage his way over to the living room and onto the couch.

Once he sat down he was ready to push himself up again as he heard the crying coming from upstairs, only Romulus’ hand on his shoulder stopped him from doing so.

“Stay, I'll take of Harry,” the man said in a quiet and gentle but still no nonsense kind of way, before leaving the living room. Sirius could just stare after him for a moment and then he sunk back against the pillows of the couch.

 _‘They are not coming back,’_ the words kept repeating over and over again in his head. It made Sirius’ chest feel tight once more, and he had lost the strength to hold back the feelings this time. The tears were now running freely down his cheeks, and he leant down to put his head in his hands.

He couldn't remember the last time he had cried so much in a day. Probably when he had been young and when he had been pulled through the system because of his parents. Still this felt so much worse, because there was no one else left he could lean on anymore. He let out a frustrated sound and kicked the coffee table in front of him. It was all he could do, because there was no strength left to get up and tell that damn Lupin twin to get out of his house. The twin who wasn't Remus.

Remus.

Another thought that made his body ache. He had done so much wrong in a short period of time. How was he supposed to make it all better again. He didn't even understand anymore how the state had even given him custody over Harry. None of it made sense any longer.

Letting out a frustrated sound, he was about to attempt to push himself up on his feet as he heard Romulus’ voice from the doorway.

“I used to play hockey with your dad,” Romulus said, holding a quiet subdued looking Harry in his arms. “With your godfather too, though I doubt he still knows how to hold a stick with how long he has been gone from the ice,” he continued and Sirius narrowed his eyes a little at the other man.

“But we are going to get him back for next season,” Romulus said completely ignoring Sirius and focusing on Harry in his arms. “Because I remember you liking the puck when you saw it the first time, and how can we keep a hockey nerd like you away from the ice.”

Sirius felt himself deflate a little, slowly starting to understand how much damage he might have done not only to himself but also to Harry for pulling back from everyone.

“Romulus…” Sirius started but got immediately shushed.

“You know it's okay to be sad,” and Romulus’s voice grew soft as he ran his hand gently over Harry's head. “You can be sad as long as you want, mon chou. No one will look at you any different for it.”

For a while Sirius could just stare as he let the words sink in, swallowing a new fresh wave of guilt down. Romulus was right, even if Sirius couldn't admit it out loud right now, and he was secretly glad that the man had come here to make sure that everything was alright.

“Well then, enough of this emotional talk, let’s make some food before everyone starves,” Romulus announced a few minutes later walking straight to the kitchen and leaving Sirius no other choice than to follow.

From that day on Romulus kept visiting Sirius on a daily basis. He made sure that Sirius had the house in order, that groceries were in, that everyone was fed and Sirius slowly felt like he could smile again. However Remus was never mentioned and Sirius didn't dare to. He had the feeling that if he would mention him he would break this invisible truce he had formed between Romulus and himself.

So Sirius stayed quiet, doing his best to accept every bit of help that Romulus gave him.

Two weeks into this unwritten arrangement, Romulus came up to him, very much looking like he was planning something. Sirius had learnt quickly how stubborn this Lupin was as well, and that his bark was definitely worse than his bite.

“So what's your plan with James’ and Lily’s house,” Romulus asked, his arms crossed lightly over his chest.

“I hadn't really thought about it yet,” Sirius admitted with a small shrug, attempting to go back to sorting the papers on his desk.

“Well you can't just leave it standing there the whole time,” Romulus advised.

“I can't just sell it,” Sirius muttered, putting his head in his hands, his fingers digging slightly into his scalp.

“No one is asking you to sell it,” Romulus continued, and Sirius watched him take a step closer out of the corner of his eyes.

“What do you want me to do then?” Sirius huffed back at him, lifting his head from his hands. He didn't know if he was ready to go back into the house, to be once more so forcefully reminded of the people who weren't there anymore.

“To clean it up, and then you can decide if you will keep it for Harry, or sell it after all,” Romulus explained and Sirius looked at the other man with an unguarded and vulnerable expression.

“I am not sure if I am ready for that,” Sirius admitted, tears filling his eyes.

“Well no one is telling you to do it by yourself idiot,” Romulus replied with a roll of his eyes.

“Yes but…” Sirius tried once more but Romulus just shook his head, already pulling out his phone.

“This weekend then. I'll organise it. It will be good for Harry and you,” Romulus said in a resolute voice and Sirius rubbed at his eyes, attempting to get rid of the tears that had formed there. He knew that he had lost this fight and that there was no other way but to give into it.

That was how Sirius found himself sitting in a car with Romulus and Harry the following weekend, heading for James’ and Lily’s place. He still didn't think that this was the best of ideas, not knowing what Romulus understood about the idea of cleaning up.

Sirius’ eyes went wide however as he saw the amount of people already waiting in front of the house as they arrived. Specifically most of their hockey team, all of his friends that he had, and that had been close to James and Lily. He just sat there for a moment feeling completely overwhelmed.

“Don't be so rude, go out and say hello. I'll take care of Harry,” Romulus next to him said, shaking Sirius out of his reverie.

Sirius rubbed a hand over his face, looking down as Romulus unbuckled his seatbelt for him and then once more motioned to the outside of the car.

“I am going,” Sirius grumbled and then opened the car door to step outside.

For a moment he just stared at everyone with an expression of disbelief and then slowly walked towards them.

“Hey guys,” he said with a tentative smile and a wave of his hand. It was like it broke some invisible barrier and seconds later everyone was around him, hugging him, telling him how much that they missed him, and that he better be back for next season.

By the time they were finally done, Sirius wondered how he had managed to survive without them the last few months.

However when Sirius looked back at the house he was reminded why he had been convinced to come here in the first place, and took in a deep breath, knowing that Romulus was right. He couldn’t avoid this forever, he had to at least clean James’ and Lily’s stuff away since they deserved that amount of dignity.

So they made a plan, before Sirius dared to pull out the keys and open the house. The air was stuffy inside, and he felt like running again as the emotions overwhelmed him once more.

All the memories that he had gathered here with his friends were suddenly washing back over him.

He remembered when James had come to him, when they had still shared a place, telling him how he was going to ask Lily to move in with them.

They had been at their flat back then, having just come back from hockey training and was looking forward to enjoying the rest of the day at their place when James had cornered him in the living room.

“You know this place is too small for the three of us?” Sirius had asked, taking another sip of his beer and letting himself sink further into the couch.

“Yeah well… I was considering more a place of our own,” James had replied sheepishly, stepping nervously from one foot to another, and Sirius had known at that moment that his best friend was up to something.

“Are you going to propose?” Sirius hadn’t been able to stop himself from blurting out, and then had grinned smugly as he saw James reaching out for a ring a moment later.

It had gone so fast after that. The house had been mortgaged with the help of James’ parents, and soon enough James and Lily had moved into it. And when they realised that James’ parents seemed to be going downhill healthwise, they had married as quick as possible, wanting them to be there along with it.

They hadn’t even gotten to know Harry.

Sirius pressed his eyes tightly close, shook his head and then walked up the stairs towards their bedroom.

He could still remember the day when he had found out about Lily’s pregnancy.

It had been a frantic call in the morning, and Sirius had still been half asleep as James had babbled in his ear how Lily was pregnant and how he didn’t know how he was supposed to deal with everything.

They had gotten extremely drunk that night, with James sleeping at his place. Talking about everything and anything, and it seemed that it was all that James had needed to face the reality and take responsibility of what had happened.

The rest was history.

Letting out a shuddering sigh Sirius moved to sit down on the edge of the bed, looking around with a sad expression. He knew that he would have to get up and make sure that he would take some of the possessions back to his own place, but he would just give himself a few more minutes.

The minutes ended up being almost an hour and he jumped as he heard a knock on the door, one of his teammates looking in to check on him.

Guessing that he couldn’t hide for much longer, Sirius let himself be dragged back downstairs.

He decided not to take a lot back to his place. Mostly only the pictures, and some of James’ more personal belongings, things which he held special memories to. He would probably lock them away for a while, but he knew that he would never forgive himself if he would put them in a storage somewhere.

All the clothes they decided to give away for charity since Sirius didn’t need them and he quickly agreed that it had no use to keep them for some kind of reason.

Harry’s belongings were packed up in boxes and put in Romulus’ car so that they could be brought over to Sirius’ place at the end of the day. When Harry had seen his old room again he had let out a delighted squeal, and Sirius had gone to join him as he watched the toddler look around with an excited expression.

Sirius felt relieved to see Harry that happy again, even if he knew that the boy would probably cry through the night because they weren’t home. It gave Sirius a little hope that Harry could actually be happy again.

When the evening finally came and the house was cleaned, Sirius felt exhausted. He had managed to get Harry to nap in between during the day, but even then he seemed to still be tired from all the attention he had gotten that day.

Romulus drove them back home that night, both of them deciding that they would bring the boxes inside on the next day, feeling too tired to move much more.

“Thanks for today,” Sirius said as he stepped into the house, Romulus close behind him.

“Don’t mention it,” Romulus replied with a small shrug, shrugging off his jacket and shoes and hanging them up.

“You don’t have to stay,” Sirius pointed out, adjusting Harry in his arms, who was already starting to nod off.

“Well I have ordered food, so you better deal with it,” Romulus said and then continued while heading for the kitchen, “so bring Harry to bed, I’ll set the table.”

Sirius rolled his eyes, and headed up to Harry’s bedroom, wondering when Romulus Lupin had snuck his way into his life like this. Smiling quietly to himself, he got Harry to bed, making sure that the toddler was asleep before he headed back downstairs.

“Lupin if you’re sleeping here tonight though, you’re taking the couch,” Sirius said as he walked down the stairs, feeling lighter than he had in a long time.

He let out a small snort as he didn’t get a reply, and headed towards the kitchen, wondering what kind of food he had ordered. He could see the back of Romulus’ head, apparently looking for something in the fridge.

“You know where the beverages are, don’t let me stop you,” Sirius teased and then stopped in his tracks, his breath catching in his throat.

When the man pulled out of the fridge, it wasn’t the Lupin he had expected.

Remus was standing in his kitchen, smiling tentatively and looking like a deer in headlights for a second before he seemed to manage to gain his composure again.

“I… you....” Sirius mumbled and then looked back towards the living room, before he looked at the coathanger in the hallway. Romulus’ jacket was gone and as he looked down at the floor he saw that the shoes were too.

“Meddling twins, should have known… stupid meddling twins,” Sirius muttered under his breath, feeling a little cornered and slightly panicked right now.

His head snapped back towards Remus as he heard the fridge door close, watching as the man slowly stepped towards him.

“Did Romulus set you up to this?” Sirius couldn’t help but ask, suddenly feeling a little bit angry at the other Lupin on Remus’ behalf. He bit his lower lip, not realising how many feelings he still had for the other man.

Remus shook his head, and then pointed at himself, holding his hands up in a peace offering motion afterwards.

Sirius felt himself immediately deflate a little, followed by an intense feeling of shame and sadness. He knew that he should have contacted Remus and how many times had he thought about it before. Apparently the other man had wanted to see him so much that he had devised this plan so that Sirius probably wouldn’t just send him away.

Frowning, he attempted to look Remus in the face, wishing for once that he could properly talk to the other man.

“Fuck… I was an asshole wasn’t I?” Sirius asked tentatively, and then swallowed audibly as Remus actually looked back at him with an angry as expression. He wasn’t even ready for it, as the other man walked up to him with a determined expression, and gave him a hard shove against the chest, making Sirius stumble a few steps backwards.

“Yeah okay, very big asshole,” he repeated, wishing that he could reach out for him, because Remus’ expression was turning sad and Sirius never wanted to see the other man sad.

“I… Remus... “ Sirius took a deep breath, because he needed to explain himself, he needed to make the other man understand that this was never his fault.

“This is my fault okay?” he started. “This is was never your fault. I just didn’t know… I didn’t know… how I was supposed to reach out for someone else… I thought I could wing all of this. James and Lily were all I had… I never realised…” Sirius stopped himself before he let himself ramble on, knowing that at moments like these he sometimes ended up saying something stupid that he would regret.

But Remus still stood there, looking at him with those sad expectant eyes, making Sirius need to continue and hope quietly that he wasn’t bollocksing it all up all over again.

“Everything hurt so much… I didn’t know how to let anyone in anymore. I didn’t want to hurt you, but I did didn’t I? You kept texting me, and I never checked my phone… because I couldn’t… it hurt too much… and then I didn’t think I deserved to answer you anymore… because… I fail at everything… at being the son my parents wanted, to keep my best friend alive and being…” Sirius’ voice grew hoarse throughout his speech, and he could feel the wetness of the tears on his cheeks.

It only took a few second and Remus was walking back towards him, tears running down his face as well. Not sure what was going to happen, Sirius started to walk backwards as well, until he found himself walking into the wall.

“I am sorry, Remus I am sorry,” Sirius said desperately, letting his arms hang to his sides as Remus reached up to grab him by the collar.

At first he thought that Remus was going to punch him. Sirius would have deserved it after everything he had done and he was sure that Remus could probably punch him properly as well if he wanted to. So Sirius pressed his eyes tightly close, taking in a deep breath as he waited for it to come, but it never did.

“Just do it, I can take it,” he murmured, squinting one of his eyes a little open. Remus was glaring at him, and Sirius let out a small ‘oof’ as he was shaken by the collar of his shirt. What happened next he didn’t expect at all.

Suddenly Remus was kissing him. There was truthfully nothing amazing about it at first, it was just a harsh pressing of lips against another, as Remus’ fists tightened in Sirius’ shirt. Sirius didn’t even get the chance to return the kiss, as he was pushed against the wall a moment later and Remus was walking away from him.

“HEY!” Sirius exclaimed after a moment of shock and moving to follow Remus. He reached out to grab the other man’s arm and pull him back towards him, this time glaring back at the smaller man.

“You can’t just kiss me and then pull away like that,” Sirius demanded, and Remus narrowed his eyes at him.

“Oh now you’re angry at me?” Sirius continued, not yet letting go of Remus’ arm, but leaving his hold light enough so that the other man could pull away any moment if he wanted to.

For a moment the two of them just stared at another, and Sirius tentatively reached out with his other hand to gently caress some hair out of Remus’ face. He watched with fascination as Remus’ eyes fluttered close for a moment, leaning into the touch before slowly opening them again to look at Sirius with a shy smile.

“If you want to kiss someone, you do it like this,” Sirius murmured softly. He moved his hand to gently cup Remus’s face, a shuddering breath escaping his lips as he felt the smooth skin beneath his palm. Closing his eyes, he then slowly leant in to kiss the other man.

This kiss was perfect. It was everything that Sirius ever wanted, and he never wanted it to stop.

He let his other hand slowly let go of Remus’ arm, moving it to cup Remus’ other side of his face and then slowly started to deepen the kiss. He didn’t care that there was food on the table that was getting cold, that there was a lot they would probably have to discuss one way or another. Right now all that counted was this. Slow, gentle and beautiful kissing. Sirius ever so slowly dared to part his lips, his tongue wanting to taste and feel the inside of Remus’ mouth.

It took a few gentle licks, but soon enough Sirius was deepening the kiss. And then Remus moaned. A shudder went across his back and it was all that it took for him not to pick up the other man up right then and there and carry him upstairs. He wanted this to work, he wasn’t going to destroy this again, so he was going to take this at Remus’ pace.

So reluctantly, and very slowly, Sirius started to pull away from the kiss.

When he opened his eyes, Remus still had his eyes closed, lips flushed red and parted, breathing a little heavier. Sirius dared to let his his thumb caress gently over Remus’ lower lip, before he reached up to let his hand caress gently over Remus’ head.

“I wanted to do that ever since you stayed that one night,” Sirius admitted hoarsely, and watched as Remus opened his eyes to look back at him.

He felt overwhelmed be all those emotions that came from those brown eyes looking back at him, that he had to duck his head for a moment before he could look back at Remus. This time it was Remus’ turn to look shy, and Sirius could feel the other man attempting to look away, but Sirius kept his face gently turned towards him.

“No… Remus… listen, no, look at me,” Sirius murmured, one of his thumbs rubbing soothing circles against Remus’ cheek.

“I can hear your thoughts working in that head of yours,” Sirius started, grinning a little as he saw a small tentative grin on Remus’ face. “You are not broken, or any other stupid crap, and I don’t deserve anyone better… I think we are past that point tonight don’t you think?” Sirius asked earnestly.

He couldn’t help but feel nervous for a moment as Remus didn’t react immediately, but then eventually nodded, a soft shy smile appearing on his face again.

“Good… good… it’s not… it’s not like I am perfect yet either okay?” Sirius added, his own smile turning a little weak for a moment.

“I am still….” he swallowed, feeling like this was incredibly hard to say. “Still going to fuck up every now and then, but your brother ingrained it into my head that I am not allowed to shut people out any longer… otherwise he will force me,” he continued and he grinned as both of them chuckled at that.

“Good… oh… do I need to kiss your brother now too?” Sirius asked in shock, and Remus let out a loud laugh, shaking his head and reached out to let his hand caress gently through Sirius’ hair this time. The touch felt good and soothing, and Sirius could relate now to why Remus had closed his eyes because of it earlier on.

“Phew… wouldn’t know if I could have handled that,” Sirius said with a grin, and then slowly pulled his hands away.

He leant in for another short kiss, and then looked back over to the table.

“I guess we should eat now, huh?” Sirius asked, reaching out for Remus’ hand and pulling him towards the table. He stopped as Remus wouldn’t budge, and he turned to look at the other man with a small frown.

“What is it?” Sirius asked, stepping towards him again.

Remus opened and closed his mouth a few times, looking seemingly frustrated for a moment, his fingers tightening around Sirius’.

“What’s wrong? Do you need me to call anyone?” Sirius asked in concern, ready to get his phone as Remus shook his head and let out a long breath before whispering in the most beautiful voice Sirius had ever heard.

“Sirius…”


	3. Part Three

**[Tomorrow 10am at the ice rink.]**

Sirius felt a little nervous as he read the text message again. Romulus had sent him the text, which mostly meant that there was no messing around about not coming. He then thought back to the evening he had had with Remus.

Remus hadn’t said anything else but his name that night, but still it had meant the world to Sirius. For a while they had just stood there staring at another, before they had finally managed to sit down at the table and eat their dinner. A comfortable silence had spread between them, so once they had eaten up and cleared away the dishes, they had ended up being curled up on the couch, watching some random movie that had popped up on the tv at the time.

When Sirius had felt the exhaustion catching up with him, Remus had joined him in his bed. There had been hesitation at first and Sirius had done his best to give him all the space that he needed.

He had given him a pair of pyjamas to wear, shown him around the bathroom once he had been done and then had moved to lie in bed so that Remus could get ready in his own time. Sirius had already been half asleep, when Remus finally came to join him. He had looked a little small in his pyjamas, but in an adorable way.

Sirius had then opened his arms in invitation, and only after a moment of thought the smaller man had moved to curl up with him.

The next morning Sirius woke up with Remus staring up at him, and he couldn’t help but smile back at him, hoping quietly that they were going to have a lot more mornings like this to come.

Reality had however quickly caught up again, and Sirius had finally admitted to himself that he needed to get back into the proper world of the living. So it wasn’t until a few days later that he was thinking about meeting up with Remus again, enough time so that the other man wouldn’t feel smothered in any way. It was Romulus who texted him first and Sirius couldn’t help but chuckle. He wondered that if by dating Remus - and he hoped that they were actually dating now, or what it was called that they had; he had suddenly agreed to have the other twin on board too.

Now Sirius was preparing to get Harry, to go to the ice rink and finally get into some skates again.

“Apparently we are going ice skating today,” Sirius told Harry, as he picked him up in his arms and carried him out to his car.

Harry let out a small excited babble, squirming as Sirius put him in his car seat.

“Yeah you can’t wait, can you?” Sirius said with an amused chuckle, getting into the driver's seat and starting the car.

“We will have to see if I can still do this,” he then added quietly in a thoughtful voice. He had no idea how he was supposed to handle it being on the ice without James. It had always been the two of them, never just one.

He spend the drive to the rink not talking, just listening to Harry’s quiet babble behind him. Once there, he waited a few minutes in the car before he finally managed to convince himself to get out and grab Harry out of the back. Once he had Harry in his arms, he took his skates out of the trunk of the car, and then hesitantly walked into the building.

The place seemed to be empty, and the closer Sirius came to the actual ice rink, he could hear the sound of music becoming louder.

Once he got there, he could see Remus and Romulus there. Romulus was already on the ice, and Remus was standing on the side, with his arms leaning over the railing.

“Hey,” Sirius called out quietly, looking a little hesitant.

Remus turned around, grinning broadly as he saw him and walked straight to him. He leant over to press a kiss against Sirius’ cheek and then reached out to take Harry in his arms.

Sirius let out a small huff and then looked over at Romulus who was looking at him with an expectant expression.

“Well, put your skates on,” Romulus said with a small roll of his eyes, and Sirius let out another small huff.

Sitting down on one of the nearby benches, he took his time to take off his shoes and pull on his skates. It had been a few months since he had been in them, and still the feeling wasn’t any different than before. Even without James there, it still felt the same. Taking in a deep breath, he started to walk towards the rink, hesitating before he stepped on to the ice.

“Did you bring your gear?” Romulus asked suddenly beside him, and Sirius looked up a little startled, not having expected the other man to suddenly be that close.

“Ehhr… no…?” Sirius replied, reaching out to hold on to the railing.

“Well good thing that we have some spare sticks and pucks around here the whole time,” Romulus replied with a small roll of his eyes. He then reached over the board and grabbed two sticks, holding one out to Sirius. Sirius frowned a little, hesitating for a moment.

“The season is going to start again, and you’ve got to start training again,” Romulus said, sounding pretty logical about it, once more motioning for Sirius to take the stick. Sirius still couldn’t get himself to take it, there was so much that came along with it, the emotions overwhelming him once more. He was going to play without James, the person who was the reason he had gotten into hockey in the first place.

“Just take the damn hockey stick Sirius,”  Remus’ hoarse voice suddenly echoed from behind them. Both Sirius and Romulus looked in shock over to the stands, where Remus was once more looking down at Harry in his lap, seemingly unphased of what had just occurred. Sirius and Romulus then looked at each other, both with wide eyes and surprised expressions.

“Apparently I have to take the damn stick,” Sirius muttered, reaching out to take the hockey stick from Romulus’ hand.

“Apparently you do,” Romulus murmured, sounding equally in shock as he looked over and narrowed his eyes a little in Remus’ direction.

“So that was new I presume…” Sirius started, but then stopped as Romulus didn’t seem to be in the mood to answer that question. So he turned his gaze back up to Remus, watching him with a curious expression. He could hear Romulus skating around him, and then suddenly a puck hit him right against the foot.

“Hey!” Sirius complained, narrowing his eyes a little at Rom.

“Are we going to play or what?” Romulus asked with a raised eyebrow, making Sirius let out a small snort. He looked down at the puck by his feet, testing the feeling of the stick in his hands, before he took a deep breath and then shot it in the direction of the goal.

“Going to get that or not?” Sirius asked and then the two of them rushed for the puck at the same time.

They ended up passing the puck around the rink for a while, before Sirius could hear another pair of skates on the ice. He grinned as he saw that Remus had put his skates on as well, and was now coming with Harry holding him in his arms.

“Hey there little one,” Sirius murmured softly, picking up Harry from Remus’ arms after he put his hockey stick aside. “Having fun with Remus?” he asked, starting to skate backwards and away from the other man. Remus looked at him with a small pout and Sirius just shook his head with a small grin.

Harry gurgled happily back at him, and Sirius leant down to press his face into the soft curls. He had to admit that he felt really content right now, and he took a deep breath of Harry’s smell, turning around to skate forwards again with Harry in his arms. After he had gone around a few laps, he ended back with Romulus and Remus, both of them seemingly in a quiet staring contest.

“So, are you going to join the team for training again at the beginning of next season?” Romulus asked, his arms crossed lightly over his chest.

Sirius frowned in thought at the question, looking down at Harry with a thoughtful expression.

“I don’t know, I haven’t really thought about it… with Harry and all…” Sirius started, looking up as he heard two very similar annoyed huffs.

“You know the team will organise someone to watch Harry during the matches? And otherwise there is always Remus,” Romulus replied, motioning towards Remus, who was nodding quietly in agreement as he had apparently decided to go quiet again.

“I guess, we will have to talk about it,” Sirius replied, adjusting Harry in his arms who had started to become fidgety for being held for such a long time.

“Good, that’s sorted out then,” Romulus said in a no nonsense kind of voice. “Now… the weather is nice enough and we are going to have a barbeque today. Do you want to join us?”

Usually Sirius would have said no and he would have gone back home to be by himself. However for the first time in a long time he didn’t want to be alone and he actually felt a little bit curious. He had never really been invited to the twins home, and it would be interesting to see how the two men lived.

“Sure… I still know how to get there,” Sirius replied, tickling Harry gently in the sides, to occupy him a little as they talked.

So that was how half an hour later he had ended up in the backyard of the Lupin household. They had spread out a small blanket on the grass for Harry, along with some toys, so that the toddler could occupy himself. In turns they had set the table, and started the grill so that soon enough that they were sitting at the comfy wooden table with each of them holding a beer in their hands.

“To the next season,” Romulus toasted, holding up his bottle, looking more relaxed than Sirius had seen him in quite a while.

“To the next season,” Sirius repeated after a moment of hesitation. He lifted his own bottle to clink it against Romulus’ and then both of them looked at Remus with an expectant expression. Remus looked back at them with a momentarily confused expression and then clinked his bottles against theirs.

Sirius could see Romulus narrowing his eyes at Remus out of the corner of his eyes, but it seemed to quickly disappear again.

“I think the two of you should go on a date,” he pronounced instead after a moment, making Sirius almost choke on his beer.

“Excuse me?” Sirius asked, looking over at Remus who seemed just as surprised.

“Well the two of you aren't going to do it otherwise are you?” Romulus asked with a raised eyebrow and then got up to walk over to the grill, seemingly concentrating on putting the meat on the now ready coals.

Sirius looked over at Remus, and couldn't help but chuckle a little as he watched him glaring holes into his brothers back.

“He's got a point,” Sirius admitted shyly and then tentatively dared to hold out hand  to Remus.

Remus looked back at him with a small shy smile as well, and then slowly reached out to put his hand into Sirius’. Sirius could feel a warm feeling rush through his body and gently wrapped his fingers around Remus’ palm, his thumb rubbing small circles against the warm skin. It was nice to be able to be so close to Remus, and knowing that Romulus seemed to be alright with it.

“We could go for dinner somewhere…” Sirius started but then frowned for a moment, turning his gaze over to Harry who was still rather happy on the ground.

“I can hear you thinking from over there Sirius. I’ll take care of Harry while the two of you are out,” Romulus said a little bit more loudly from where he stood by the grill. Siirus turned his gaze back over to Remus, the man matching his amused grin, and they let out a small chuckle.

“We will go somewhere nice and simple, you will like it, and then you can stay at my place for the night if you like,” Sirius then continued, looking at Remus with a nervous expression.

The other man looked back at him with a thoughtful smile and then eventually nodded, giving Sirius’ hand another small squeeze. Sirius grinned back at him, and then let go of Remus’ hand again, getting up from the table so that he could help Romulus with the food.

They ended up managing to agree on a time and place for the date, and when the time arrived Sirius couldn’t help but be a little nervous. He still wasn’t really any further with his relationship with Remus. Nothing much had happened yet, and neither had they talked about the few times that Remus had actually talked. Sirius wasn’t going to push it, but still it rested on his mind nonetheless.

He ended up appearing at the Lupin household way too early, using the excuse that he wanted to explain to Romulus of what he had to look out for when he had to take care of Harry. His mind had however quickly forgotten everything he had wanted to tell the man when he met Remus already ready waiting for him there.

“Gosh.. watching the two of you making heart eyes at each other is going to make me sick,” Romulus groaned with a roll of his eyes and then took Harry out of Sirius’ arms, grabbed the bag that Sirius had packed and ushered them out off the house again. “Now go, have dinner, talk, have fun, and don’t text me until tomorrow morning.” With those words the door closed behind the two of them.

Sirius let out a small snort and then held his hand out to Remus, having a proper look at him now. The man looked beautiful, and Sirius wished that he could skip the dinner part and just go home and kiss that shy smile the whole night.

“Shall we go?” he asked softly instead, and Remus nodded with a small chuckle. Sirius lead the way over to the car, helping Remus to get in first and then he got into the driver’s seat, always looking over to Remus to make sure that the other man was actually there. He was scared that this was all a dream, and then when he would pinch himself he would wake up alone again.

“You will like this place,” Sirius said once he started the car. “It has really nice soul food…” and then stopped when Remus put his hand on top of Sirius’ thigh. When Sirius dared to glance over at him, he looked just as a nervous as Sirius felt, and that reassured him a little.

“Yeah.. breathe… okay,” he agreed, reaching down to give Remus’ hand a small squeeze and then concentrated on the driving.

The dinner went smoothly. Sirius talked most of the time while Remus listened, both of them enjoying the food and wine that was served. Sirius was definitely more relaxed by the time they drove home, every now and then daring to reach out to touch Remus in some kind of way.

“I promise I have a good reason for missing out dessert,” Sirius said with a grin as they entered his house, kicking off his shoes and heading for the kitchen.

“I got us the best cheesecake…” he stopped his wordflow as he saw Remus standing in the kitchen doorway, looking a little bit more serious than he had the whole evening and making Sirius worry for a moment.

He motioned for Sirius to follow him into the living room, sitting down on the couch and patting the spot next to him. Sirius hesitated for a moment and then slowly moved over to him, moving his hands restlessly on his own lap.

“Did I do something wrong?” Sirius asked nervously, and Remus shook his head, reaching out to put his hand on top of Sirius’.

“No… I think we should talk,” Remus said quietly, his voice still rather hoarse from not having used it for a long time.

“You know your brother is going to cut my balls off sooner or later if you keep doing this,” Sirius muttered after the shock wore of that Remus was talking again. Remus glared at him for a moment and then his expression softened a little, letting his hand stay on top of Sirius’.

“It’s not easy for me… to just… but I want to explain to you why…” Remus said quietly, and Sirius nodded in understanding. He turned one of his hands around, grasping Remus’ and letting his thumb caress once more over the soft skin. He wanted to show Remus that he was there for him, and that he would give him all the time that he needed.

“Okay… so… before Romulus and I came here, we went to Hockey Camp back in England,” Remus started, his eyes fixed on their hands. “But… that one night everything just went wrong,” he continued, his hold tightening on Sirius’ hands. “We had been out for these tryout games, and Romulus decided that he would still go out for a drink and I wanted to go home…” Remus took a deep breath and Sirius could hear the other man’s emotions his voice.

“I came home… the door was standing open… the whole house was a mess, everything that was valuable was gone and when I went upstairs…” Remus shook his head and squeezed his eyes closed. When Sirius looked at him he could see the tears running down the pale man’s cheeks and he couldn’t stop himself from reaching out to pull him into his arms.

After a moments of hesitation Remus curled into him, holding on to his shirt and sobbing loudly into his chest. Sirius just held him as he cried, reaching up with one hand to caress gently through Remus’ hair and every now and then leaning down to press a kiss against the other man’s head.

“When Romulus arrived the police had already come… they made me repeat so many times what had happened…” Remus whispered hoarsely, his voice muffled against Sirius’ chest.

_‘So you stopped talking,’_ Sirius thought to himself. He reached down to gently cup Remus’ face in his hand, letting his thumb caress gently over his cheek.

“But you’re talking now,” Sirius said quietly instead, looking at Remus with a soft smile.

“That’s because of you,” Remus replied, swallowing a little as he seemingly tried to regain some of his composure.

Sirius bit his lower lip, ducking his head a little, amazed how someone was putting so much faith into him.

“Thank you for telling me all of this,” Sirius answered, finding his own emotions a little overwhelmed at the moment. “How about we make some more happier memories?” he added softly, feeling the need to lighten up the situation, wanting to do anything to make sure that Remus would stop crying.

“You already gave me so many…” Remus murmured, but Sirius just shook his head.

“You will get so many more,” Sirius reassured and then leant in to brush his lips against Remus’. Even if they hadn’t kissed that often yet, it felt like coming home every time again. He took his time, kissing Remus gently until he could feel the other man relax into it, slowly returning the kiss as well.

They just sat there for a while, enjoying the tender kiss. Eventually Sirius pulled back, reaching out to let his hand caress gently through Remus’ hair.

“Don't ever feel like you have to talk around me, okay?” Sirius said softly and sincerely, wanting for Remus to know that he would love him nonetheless.

“Okay…” Remus replied, nodding slowly, sitting up a little as he seemed to try and regain some of his composure.

“Good. Come on, I promised you dessert,” Sirius said with a grin, pulling Remus up from the couch and leading the way back towards the kitchen. He gently pushed Remus on to one of the chairs, and then walked over to the fridge and pulled out the cheesecake.

“I can't really bake, but this is from the best bakery I know and I will just shut up now,” Sirius mumbled, feeling a blush growing on his cheeks. Remus chuckled from where he was sitting at the table and then waited patiently for Sirius to hand him a plate with cake.

“I bake,” Remus murmured once both of them were seated at the table and had taken a few bites of the cake.

“Yeah I remember, you send me a picture of a pie once,” Sirius asked said with a grin, reaching out to hold on to Remus’ hand again. He couldn't stop touching the other man, knowing now that he could and that the other man wanted him too.

“Yeah, is there something that's your favourite?” Remus asked curiously. Sirius looked thoughtful for a moment and then shook his head.

“No. I'll eat anything. Lily always said that I have the typical hockey man's metabolism. I can eat anything as much as I want and I won't gain weight,” Sirius said and then his breath caught in his throat. He hadn't thought it would feel that easy to talk like this about James and Lily again, and he wished they were here for a moment.

“Hey....” Remus’ voice caught him off guard, and his head snapped up, fighting back the tears. He couldn't stop the whimper from escaping his lips as Remus put his hand on his cheek, his thumb rubbing soothing circles against his skin.

“It's okay,” Remus murmured and Sirius nodded slowly, letting out a small shuddering breath.

“Come with me,” Sirius murmured pulling Remus up and out of the kitchen. He grinned a little shyly as he lead the way up the stairs to his bedroom, always ready to stop in case Remus didn't want to take this any further. However once he had reached his bedroom Remus was still there and he didn't look like that he wanted to stop this any time soon.

He let go of Remus’ hand for a moment and walked over to the window to close the curtains. He was about to turn around as he felt Remus’ arms wrap around his waist. Sirius couldn't stop himself from letting out a small surprised sound, followed by a small moan as Remus started to kiss along his neck.

“So forward,” Sirius murmured teasingly, gasping as Remus nipped at his neck in reply.

Grinning, Sirius let himself enjoy the feeling for another few minutes before he slowly turned around in Remus’ embrace. “My turn,” Sirius said with a grin.

“Cheeky,” Remus replied and Sirius didn't stop himself this time and leant down to kiss the other man passionately. Soon enough hands were tugging on clothes and they were lying naked on Sirius’ bed, heavy breaths echoing through the room.

Sirius couldn't remember how many hours they simply spend exploring each other’s bodies, possessive bruises tracing their path. And then he had started to make love to Remus, calling out his name into the room like he was everything he ever needed to survive.

It was only late in the night when their bodies gave in, curled up with the other, arms wrapped around each other to make sure the other was still there.

“This is better than sleeping in the other bed alone,” Remus murmured sleepily and Sirius couldn't help but let out a small chuckle.

“You could have joined me you know,” He teased, followed by a small yawn, feeling sleep starting to tug at him as well.

“I am here now..” Remus murmured, rubbing his cheek against Sirius’ chest.

“That you are,” Sirius replied softly. He reached up to let his hand caress gently through Remus’ hair, smiling as he felt the other man fall asleep in his arms.

He just ended up lying there for a while, just listening to Remus breathe before he eventually gave in and let himself fall asleep.

When he woke up the next morning Remus was still there, curled up against him and looking up at him with a soft smile.

“Morning,” Remus murmured and Sirius couldn't stop himself from smiling back at him. He leant down to press a small kiss against the corner of Remus’ lips and then nuzzled up into his hair.

“Morning,” Sirius eventually murmured in reply, once he was done taking in Remus’ smell and reminding himself of all the wonderful things that had happened the night before.

“Want some breakfast?” Remus asked, and Sirius just hummed, tightening his hold a little around the other man.

“Not much of a morning person?” Remus added, and Sirius couldn't help but huff this time, pulling his head back to look at Remus with a small pout.

Remus just chuckled and then reached out to let his hand caress gently over Sirius’ head. Sirius let himself lean into the touch and then moved so that he could curl up against Remus’ smaller body, a soft sigh escaping his lips. It only took a few moments before Remus started to stroke gently through his hair, every now and then rubbing gently against his scalp.

Sirius was almost ready to go back to sleep as he felt a gentle nudge against his shoulder.

“Come on sleepy head, time for breakfast,” Remus murmured softly and then slowly pulled away, leaving Sirius to sprawl over the bed and watched Remus from behind. He let himself enjoy the view for a moment and then pushed himself up to follow the other man out of the bed. Grabbing his boxers, he pulled them on, looking around a few minutes for his shirt from the night before taking a fresh one out of the cupboard so that he could join Remus in the kitchen. He couldn't help but grin as he saw him already rummaging through his fridge, wearing his shirt.

“I was looking for that,” Sirius murmured affectionately, stepping up behind Remus and wrapping his arms around the other man's waist. He leant in to press a kiss against Remus’ neck, nuzzling against the skin afterwards.

“I thought it fit me quite well,” Remus replied softly, and Sirius nipped gently at Remus’ neck in reply before letting go again.

Sirius started to prepare tea as he watched Remus making breakfast in his kitchen. It didn't feel bad or out of place, but like he belonged there. It gave Sirius a nice warm and comforting feeling that he didn't want to let to go off too quickly again.

They enjoyed their breakfast, the shower that followed and then almost reluctantly made their way back to Remus’ place. Sirius didn't want for Romulus to make any threats come true and he knew that he had to to pick up Harry again anyway.

“We are going to do this right?” Sirius couldn't stop himself from asking when he had parked the car, looking at Remus with a nervous expression.

“Of course, but next time just don't keep me waiting for so long,” Remus replied, leaning over to press a kiss against Sirius’ lips before turning to get out off the car.

“I won't, I promise,” Sirius said sincerely, meaning every word of it.

True to his word Sirius kept his promise.

Remus and he kept meeting up more regularly again. Sometimes with Harry, sometimes Romulus would babysit him, and sometimes the four of them would spend the whole day together. It was a comfortable routine all of them had gotten used to and neither were willing to let go off.

It was just two weeks before training camp when Romulus had jumped them with the idea of them all moving together.

Sirius hadn't really known what to say at first, having needed several gulps of his beer before he could process those words.

“You know I am dating your brother right?” Sirius couldn’t stop himself from asking, because he just needed to make sure that he hadn’t gotten anything wrong here.

“So?” Romulus asked with a raised eyebrow, “season is going to start and it will be easier for Harry if he won’t have to sleep all over the place all the time. Especially if Remus is going to start training as well again,” he continued nonchalantly, and Sirius almost choked on his beer, turning his gaze over to Remus and narrowing his eyes a little.

“What?” Remus asked, who was holding Harry on his lap, looking like nothing important was happening right at that moment.

“You didn’t tell me that you were going to start playing again?” Sirius said, narrowing his eyes a little more.

“I thought I’d surprise you,” Remus replied, looking back at Sirius with a tentative smile.

Sirius just stared back at him and then let out a small huff, before reaching out to play with the head of his bottle.

“And why should I move in with you?” Sirius couldn’t help but ask as well, because he was still very much surprised about that proposition as well.

This time it was both of the twins who looked at him with raised eyebrows and Sirius couldn’t help but look a little bit intimidate by that.

“Whaaat?” Sirius asked.

“You spend most of your time here anyway,” Romulus said with a small shrug.

“You can keep your place… just, sleep here,” Remus added, and Sirius wondered when the moment had happened that he suddenly had the twins hatching plans against him, and when it just had been one and the other had been quiet and sweet and innocent.

“Also Harry likes me,” Romulus continued, taking Harry from Remus’ arms. “He needs some decency in his life.”

Sirius couldn’t stop himself from glaring a little at Romulus at those words, but otherwise reconsidered the idea in his mind. It was true that they spend most of their time together now, and he guessed that he should have realised it sooner that if he wanted to date Remus, that Romulus would always be there somewhere around. And when he thought about it, it wouldn’t really make so much of a difference. Romulus had been there for him before he had let anyone else close. At the beginning very much against Sirius’ will but it had helped.

Nonetheless, he couldn’t just get himself to reply to them immediately with a definite answer.

“I need to think about this a little,” Sirius eventually said, and both of the twins nodded in understanding.

The subject wasn’t brought up again during the following week, and Sirius only really caught himself thinking about it again as he was about to drive past the graveyard in Pittsburgh. He looked back at Harry through the rearview mirror for a moment, having realised suddenly that they hadn’t been here since James and Lily had died.

“Come on Harry, let’s visit your parents,” he murmured quietly, more to himself, as he drove on to the parking lot.

Once he had Harry in his arms, he walked the way where he knew that James and Lily were buried. It wasn’t hard to forget since the place had been marked ever since James’ parents had died. Back then it had felt a little bit morbid to do so but now Sirius was somehow glad about it. Now at least they could be all together, and Harry could visit his parents and grandparents at the same time.

Sirius felt himself choking up as he spotted the graves, tightening his hold a little around Harry. For a while he just stared down at the gravestones, turning his head to nuzzle through Harry’s hair.

“Hey James,” Sirius eventually managed to say, his voice hoarse as he tried to keep the tears from rolling down his cheeks.

“Hey Lily,” he continued, carefully moving to sit down on the grass in front of the stones, and setting Harry on to his lap.

“I have got Harry here with me,” he murmured and then let out a hoarse laugh. “This is weird… what am I doing. Talking to dead people, you can’t even hear me, you just left me alone,” Sirius muttered and this time he couldn’t back the tears any longer.

Harry looked up at him with a slightly confused expression, reaching up with his small hands to pat against Sirius’ cheek.

“I really don’t know how I am doing so far with taking care of him, but apparently Harry is very lenient with my parenting skills,” Sirius said, and then pressed a kiss against Harry’s head, wanting to reassure the kid that he was alright in some kind of way.

“Romulus helps a lot, Remus too, those two have really gotten stuck in my life,” he eventually murmured, a small chuckle escaping his lips and he smiled weakly as he could immediately see Harry perking up to hear their names.

“Harry really likes them, so that’s a bonus… and yes James, I know you said I was getting myself into trouble, but it is too late to get out off and I don’t want to anymore,” Sirius murmured and then took a deep breath. “They asked me to move in with them.. or at least find a place together. I don’t know exactly what it’s supposed to mean, because there is nothing sexual between Romulus and me and that is totally okay like that, but you know, it would be weird if he weren’t there, at least in the beginning. Remus still needs him, and Harry really likes him, and I guess we all need one another in some kind of way,”  he continued to ramble.

“I just… I haven’t given them an answer yet, I know stupid… I always decide for everything so quickly but for this I can’t,” Sirius huffed.

“I guess… I just don’t want to lose Remus. I almost did already before, I messed up really bad, I don’t want to do it again, this is all still so new and all…” Sirius continued and then let out a frustrated  sigh, because he just couldn’t get the right words to leave his mouth.

His head snapped up in surprise as he heard someone clear his throat behind him, and then frowned in surprise as he saw Remus standing behind him.

“Remus… what… what are you doing here?” Sirius asked befuddled, carefully getting up to his feet with Harry in his arms. Remus gave him a small smile and then leant in to press a small kiss against Sirius’ lips.

“They were my friends too,” Remus replied sincerely, reaching out to let his hand smooth gently over Harry’s head.

“Did… I need to ask, did we push too far? I know how we can get,” Remus then asked a second later, looking at Sirius with a concerned expression.

“You? What? No! I just… Fucking hell Remus I love you! And it scares the hell out of me,” Sirius replied, and then ducked his head as he realised what he had just said.

“Oh…” Remus echoed in return and for a while none of them said anything before he murmured. “I love you too, you idiot…”

Sirius felt a small grin tug at the corner of his lips, and slowly dared to look back up at the other man before he leaned over to press a small kiss against his lips. They only pulled apart when Harry started to squirm in Sirius’ arms, and Remus chuckled, taking Harry from Sirius and lifting him gently up in the air before pulling him against his chest.

“I am still not going to sleep with your brother,” Sirius muttered, reaching out to wrap his arm around Remus’ waist and then looked back at James’ and Lily’s gravestone with a sad smile.

“No one is asking you,” Remus replied with a small snort. “I am not either.” Both of them laughed and Sirius leant his head slightly against Remus’ shoulder.

“I miss them,” Sirius murmured, pressing his eyes tightly close.

“That’s okay… we are allowed to mourn,” Remus whispered, and Sirius let out a small shuddering breath, turning his head a little more to nuzzle against Remus’ neck.

“I believe… that we are going to be okay though,” Remus said quietly after a while.

“When did you turn out to be such an optimist?” Sirius asked, meaning it as a tease but somehow it ending up sounding more serious than intended.

“Because your sorry ass didn’t want to leave me alone,” Remus replied affectionately. Sirius blushed a little, remembering how forward he had been at the beginning and how he had not given up until Romulus and Remus had finally given in.

“Well… I just wanted to play hockey,” Sirius complained playfully and then grinned up at Remus.

“And you were very stubborn about it,” Remus replied and both of them laughed.

Without saying anything, they both silently agreed to walk back towards the car, Remus turning his attention towards Harry. Sirius just watched them with a small soft smile on his face, stepping back a little so that he could wipe away any traces of tears that he had shed. He looked up at the sky for a moment and let out a small sigh, before jogging to join up with Remus and Harry again.

“I remember I still owe you a pie,” Remus said as they reached Sirius’ car.

“That you do indeed,” Sirius said with a grin, taking Harry back again and setting him into his seat in the back of the car.

“Then I’ll better get the ingredients, and I’ll meet you up at your place in a bit?” Remus asked, pressing a kiss against Sirius’ cheek.

“Sounds like a plan,” Sirius agreed, feeling a lot better than he had earlier on that day as he drove back to his place.

As promised it hadn’t taken long for Remus to arrive, carrying a large back of groceries as Sirius opened the door for him.

“What are we baking?” Sirius asked curiously, following Remus into the kitchen.

“I am baking an apple pie and you are just going to eat it, since we wouldn’t want to burn down the kitchen,” Remus teased. “You can watch and learn.”

Sirius rolled his eyes but wasn’t going to complain if Remus wanted to do the work, then he was happy just to look. Turning on the radio in the kitchen, he made sure every now and then that Harry was still alright in his playpen while keeping Remus company.

An hour later, the wonderful smell of pie was going through the house as Remus had put it in the oven and they were now cleaning up the kitchen.

“If it tastes as good as it smells I will marry you and never let you go again,” Sirius teased with a broad smile.

“Be careful what you wish for,” Remus replied, grinning as well.

Once the kitchen was clean, they returned to the living room, grabbing Harry from his playpen and sitting down on the floor with him.

“What do you say Harry, should we move in with Remus?” Sirius asked softly, helping Harry to stand on his feet and bouncing him a little.

“Eeemus!” Harry replied with an excited squeal, and both of them looked back at the toddler with shocked expression.

“Did he just….” Sirius murmured.

“Eeemus!” Harry repeated, not giving Sirius a long time to think about what he just wanted to ask.

“Apparently he did,” Remus replied with a soft chuckle, leaning back on his elbows and letting out another loud laugh. “He said my name first,” he added with a grin. “I’ll have to tell Rom that later, he will be so jealous.”

“Hey hey wait… Harry say Sirius… be a good lad,” Sirius said with a determined expression.

“Eeemus,” Harry repeated, giggling.

“No, listen closely bud, Si-ri-us,” Sirius tried again.

“EEEMUS!” Harry said again clapping his hands.

“I give up, you are all against me,” Sirius whined with a dramatic roll of his eyes and then looked over at Remus. He narrowed his eyes a little as the man looked more than smug and then moved to get up.

“Come on, it’s time for pie and then I’ll make it up to you,” Remus grinned heading for the kitchen.

Sirius needed a moment to catch up on what Remus had said, before he scrambled up on his feet, careful to keep Harry in his arms at the same time and not to let him fall.

“You’ll make it up to me?” Sirius asked once he was in the kitchen, waggling his eyebrow a little.

“Sirius, not around Harry, swear jar,” Remus said with a roll of his eyes, a small grin tugging at the corner of his lips as he was getting the now finished pie from the oven.

“Yeah yeah…” Sirius mumbled but couldn’t help but grin as well.

“But how much are you going to make it up to me?” he couldn’t help but ask, holding Harry against his waist as he carefully got two plates out off the shelf.

“If you continue bugging me like that it won’t happen,” Remus huffed, but Sirius could tell that there was no malice behind those words.

“Promises, promises,” Sirius cooed, earning himself a slap over the head and then opting to sit down at the table before Remus really decided to leave him alone after this. Wanking definitely wasn’t on his list of favourite things  any longer.

“Good boy,” Remus teased, ruffling gently through Sirius’ hair and then putting down their plates before sitting down as well. “Now tuck in, you need all your strength after this.”

“Yes sir,” Sirius replied teasingly and then took a bite of the pie, a soft content humm escaping his lips. “This is really good.”

“I am glad you like it,” Remus murmured softly, taking a bite himself and smiling softly.

They ended up sitting in the kitchen for a while, just eating pie and talking, before bringing Harry to bed and then heading up to Sirius’ bedroom.

From then on things moved rather quickly; Sirius ended up moving into Remus and Romulus’ home, something that seemed to delight Harry the most. Sirius was glad to see that Harry was this happy again,  and watched with satisfaction the livelier Harry seemed to be getting.

Sirius, with the help of Remus and Romulus, had gotten back into contact with Alice. It had been a long emotional talk at the beginning, but they had managed to arrange a plan for how she could take care of Harry while the three of them were at training or at one of their games. Also it had been rather nice to watch how Harry and Neville had immediately interacted with each other again, and he could actually believe that things were starting to get better.

The first day going back to training had left Sirius however feeling nervous. He hadn’t managed to eat anything for breakfast that day, and when all four of them (including Harry), had gotten into the car, he felt like throwing up anything that was left in his stomach.

They brought Harry to Alice and then drove over to the ice rink. Sirius kept quiet the whole way and while they changed in the locker room, just looking over to Remus every now and then who seemed just as nervous and hadn’t said a word the whole way. When they had all changed, everyone looked at him with an expectant expression, and Sirius cleared his throat as he tried to find the right words.

“You know I hate the big speeches,” Sirius said, and everyone laughed, even Kingsley grinned a little.

“Yeah but you are the Team Captain now, so you better make it good Sirius,” Kingsley said with a broad smile, and Sirius looked up at him with a surprised expression. He looked around and everyone was nodding in agreement, and Sirius couldn’t stop himself from narrowing his eyes a little at Kingsley.

“We thought if we told you before, you might run off again,” the man replied with a small innocent shrug.

Sirius let out annoyed huff, glaring over at Romulus who was just smirking and then took another deep breath.

“Alright then,” he started, guessing he had to start somewhere. “I know last season sucked and I left you all hanging,” he continued, and he could hear everyone murmuring how he hadn’t let them down, but he tuned that out. “But we also lost James,” Sirius had to stop for a moment, his fingers tightening on his stick in his hands, “I don’t know if I will ever be able to replace him, but I will do my best to be the captain you need me to be,” he continued, and he closed his eyes as he could hear the sounds of the hockey sticks being banged against the floor in a steady rhythm.

“Also, this is Remus,” Sirius continued once the sound of the hockey sticks had disappeared, motioning over to Remus who was sitting next to him.

“I am sure you guys have seen him around. Remus doesn’t talk a lot and if you need something, or if something bothers you, you come to me. Otherwise shut it and keep it for yourself, and now lets play some hockey,” Sirius said firmly. He moved to get up and walked out off the locker room and towards the rink. He stopped for a moment, closing his eyes as he took a deep breath.

“Don’t let me fuck this up,” Sirius murmured, only opening his eyes again as he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned his head to look back at Remus.

“You okay?” he asked sincerely and Remus nodded slowly, a tentative smile on his lips.

“Good,” Sirius said and then took a step on to the ice, his fingers tight around the hockey stick.

“Don’t think we are going to go easy on you, just because you haven’t played professionally for a while,” Sirius then added with a grin, and then watched how everyone started to fill on to the ice.

“Alright then guys, we have got a lot to make up for for last year,” he called out once everyone was there. “This year we will show them what we are made off.”

The training went as well as it could for the first day, and Sirius could feel his passion growing for the game again. He was glad however that he wasn’t going home alone that day and that he had Romulus and Remus as a support that night.

It had been hard coming home and realising what was happening, and that James wasn’t just gone for a break. And when he had looked at Harry he had just wanted to scream out to the world how unfair everything was. Sirius wanted nothing more than to lock himself up again and never come out. Instead they had all ended up ordering pizza, eating in front of the television, and watching trashy shows.

So by the time that they went to bed that night, Sirius felt tired and worn out, but content enough that he knew that he would be able to sleep through the night.

“You’re going to be a good captain,” Remus murmured when they finally lay in bed, Sirius this time curled up against the other man.

Sirius looked up at Remus with a surprised expression, since the other man hadn’t said a word during the whole day and Sirius had thought he wouldn’t hear him say anything for a while.

“Thanks…” Sirius murmured, a weak smile on his face. “You going to be okay?” he asked Remus, because he needed to be sure. He wanted to make sure that Remus was ready to go back to the ice, to take this step, and not be jumping too many hoops at once just to make Sirius happy.

“Yeah… I think I am going to be alright,” Remus murmured and then pressed a kiss against Sirius’ head. “This is going to be one hell of a season.”

“That it is,” Sirius murmured, followed by a loud yawn, already finding himself falling asleep.

The next few weeks of training were hard but definitely profitable. They were slowly starting to learn how to work as a team again and Sirius could feel his old self coming back more and more as well.

Living with Remus and Romulus was also slowly becoming something completely normal. It was nice to come home with them every night, knowing there was always someone there to talk to.

Harry was enjoying it as well, and slowly they were starting to build a routine of how they were making their living situation work in a non stressful way. Even if Sirius loved Remus fully, he was starting to build up with Romulus a whole different kind of friendship.

So Sirius guessed it shouldn’t have really surprised him, when he one night caught himself curl up against Romulus and not Remus.

Remus had gone out to do some grocery shopping, and Sirius had just put Harry to bed when he returned downstairs to find Romulus on the couch. He had hesitated at first before he moved to sit down next to the other man, and then somehow had ended up curled up against him.

It hadn’t taken long before Romulus’ hands had found their way into Sirius’, caressing slowly through it.

“You okay?” Sirius asked after a while, even if he had to admit that he did feel rather comfortable and he wasn’t in the mood to move.

“Yeah I am fine,” Romulus replied and that was all that Sirius was getting out of the other man.

So when Remus eventually returned from the grocery shopping, he still found them on the couch. There was a small sound of a surprise, a short flash of camera light which both Sirius and Romulus grumbled about, before Remus attempted to move to curl up against Sirius on the couch as well.

“This couch is not big enough,” Romulus mumbled, shifting reluctantly behind Sirius as he tried to make more space.

“That gives it is charm,” Remus replied with a small grin, letting out a small satisfied sound as he managed to make himself small enough to fit into rest of the couch.

“No, that means we need a bigger couch,” Romulus retorted.

Sirius couldn't help but chuckle as he listened to the twins bicker, reaching out to wrap his arms around Remus and press a kiss against his head.

“Did you get everything?” He asked softly, his fingers finding their way under Remus’ shirt and letting out a small satisfied sound as he caressed lightly along the found skin.

“Yeah yeah, all of your wishes have been looked out for,” Remus replied with a roll of his eyes, before closing them and letting himself relax completely against Sirius.

“That means I can finally make dinner, budge up,” Romulus muttered behind them and Sirius groaned as he was pushed upwards for a moment so that Romulus could get up and head for the couch.

“We should get him a girlfriend,” Sirius mumbled teasingly, grumbling a little as he moved around to get comfortable again. Remus let out a soft chuckle, turning his head to look up at Sirius with an amused expression.

“I don't know, the two of you looked rather comfy, not sure if I should be jealous,” Remus  teased and Sirius laughed, reaching down to let his fingers teasingly brush along Remus’ sides. He grinned when Remus let out a small giggle, squirming against him.

“Get yourself a room,” Romulus called out from the kitchen and both Remus and Sirius laughed.

Sirius let out a content sigh and leant back against the couch, looking down at Remus as he could see the other man looking up at him.

“You happy?” Remus asked softly, and Sirius thought about it for a moment. It had been a while since he had been upset in any kind of way, and he had to admit that he had been a lot happier ever since he started sharing a living space with Romulus and Remus.

“Yeah… I think I am,” Sirius replied sincerely, giving Remus a gentle squeeze. “And you?”

Remus looked back at him with a surprised expression, as if he hadn’t expected that question, and then let out a small sigh.

“I am happy,” Remus eventually replied, slowly turning his head to look up at Sirius with an earnest and soft smile.

Sirius was about to lean in and press a kiss against Remus’ lips as he could hear Romulus clear his throat behind them, and he couldn’t stop himself from turning his head to playfully glare at the other man.

“I am happy too if anyone cares,” Romulus said with a small roll of his eyes.

“You ruined the moment, you twat,” Remus muttered, moving to get up and making his way toward Romulus and then reaching out to hug the other man. “But I am glad you are happy.”

“Oh my god… this is too much I am going,” Romulus whined and all of them laughed, making Sirius get up from the couch, guessing that it was time to set the table and grab something to drink from the fridge.

The next few weeks of training seemed to be going pretty easy. The team was slowly getting into a proper group dynamic again and Sirius was getting used to the fact of not having James around any longer.

Every now and then Sirius still caught himself of guard, looking around for James to come out from somewhere and feeling shocked when the man wouldn’t. It would take him a moment to recover before he would find his gameplay again, but he was slowly growing used to it.

Sirius could also see Remus getting more and more confident on the ice. He smirked whenever he saw Romulus’ protective side coming through and when he had to step in and stop the man from meddling in Remus’ gameplay.

“You know he chose to play,” Sirius said to Romulus one day, his hand gently on Romulus’ arm.

Romulus nodded, watching with narrowed eyes as Remus was going through a tackle practice with some of their teammates.

“Romulus!” Sirius said with a once more stern voice.

“What?!” Romulus snapped back at him and then immediately looked at Sirius with an apologetic expression.

“He knows what he’s doing, so he can go through tackle practice,” Sirius murmured reassuringly and then gave Romulus a gentle nudge.

“Come on, let's go through our own drills,” Sirius continued and then tried his best to distract Romulus for the rest of the training session.

Nonetheless when they came home that night, it was Sirius who ended up being all over Remus. They had managed to escape into the bathroom before Romulus, locking the door behind them and spending over an hour in the shower.

Sirius had kissed and caressed every bruise that he could find, making sure that Remus was really alright before he let the other man leave again.

“Who’s overprotective now?” Romulus asked, holding Harry in his arms, once they had finally left the bathroom. Sirius had only stuck his tongue out at the other man and had disappeared into the bedroom to get dressed, knowing that he would not win that battle of words.

While they were getting ready for the upcoming season, social services had come for their first surprise visit.

Sirius had somehow managed to remember to tell them that he had moved, and that he was now living with Remus and Romulus. The visit had been rather interesting and nerve wracking for all of them.

No one of them had expected for the visit to happen, and Sirius had been amused to see that Romulus had been the most nervous to  see the visit go as smooth as possible.

“You know they let me keep Harry in the state I had been in before, this couldn’t have been any worse,” Sirius said, once they had left, watching with an amused expression as Romulus had sagged down on the couch with a relieved expression.

“But what if they hate this place?” Romulus asked and he actually had sounded extremely serious about it.

“You should have seen my place when they came,” Sirius reassured him, moving to sit next to him and reaching out to give Romulus’ shoulder a gentle squeeze. “And also, what could be better than for Harry to grow up with three awesome dads,” Sirius continued, grinning when Romulus hadn’t been able find an answer to counter that.

At the end there had been nothing to worry about. All the checks had been fine, and they had ended up going to the zoo in celebration.

Soon enough the first match was starting to come up for them, and Sirius could feel himself starting to grow anxious again. He had no idea if he would be able to give everything that he could without James there. Especially since their first game was going to be an away game, and Sirius couldn’t bask in the comfort of being at home.

They had managed to arrange that Remus and he could share a room, the team having slowly caught up to the fact that they were dating. There had been a lot of teasing at first, but then it had become just a normal thing, and Remus and he had made it very clear that it wasn’t going to interrupt their game play.

The night before Sirius didn’t really manage to concentrate on anything, and Remus didn’t seem to be any better off.

At the end they had just sat on their bed, watching some TLC and attempting to distract themselves. Eventually they had fallen asleep some time around midnight, curled up around each other, as if they were trying to be one.

When the time for the game came, Sirius found himself as the first one in the changing room, taking his time to get changed and then sitting at his spot as he watched everyone else come in to get changed. The mood was excited but quiet at the same time, they had a lot to look forward to, but it seemed like everyone seemed to be suddenly missing James.

They fist bumped one another before they walked out on to the ice, listening to each of their names being called. Romulus went on the ice, followed Remus, before Sirius went to the ice as well. He closed his eyes for a moment as he could hear the cheers vibrating through his body and took his place next to the other two men.

“The Pittsburgh Penguins would like to welcome back their new captain Sirius Black, and would like to honour a minute of silence for James Potter,” the commentator echoed through the arena, and everything started to go quiet.

Sirius could clearly remember their first game and how nervous they had been. The first time James had gone on to the ice as a captain. The first matches they had won. Now Sirius was here, planning to lead their team into a new season and focused on winning it.

“I am going to make you proud,” Sirius murmured and then felt an arm wrap around his waist and another around his shoulders.

He smiled weakly as he opened his eyes, feeling reassured as he saw both Remus and Romulus at both of his sides.

“Lets get them,” he murmured as the cheers started again once the silence was over and both of the twins nodded.

“Yes captain!” Remus and Romulus echoed and Sirius managed to pull up a grin.

This was going to be a great season.

 

 


End file.
